


Los Angeles

by rosesiris2020



Category: Bandom, Paramore
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24652804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesiris2020/pseuds/rosesiris2020
Summary: "ever tried to sabotage the best thing? yeah, me neither..." - Hayley Williams speaking about the inspiration for the song 'Why We Ever'Based on events from November 2018.
Relationships: Hayley Williams/Taylor York
Comments: 32
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello again, got bored and decided to write. This is all just fiction based on certain events. Hope you enjoy regardless!

The evening was strangely warm and quiet for a November Nashville night as Hayley sat outside her house on the front porch. Alf’s usual dedicated presence was missing from her side tonight since she had dropped him off at the minders that afternoon. The house was locked up securely and her bags sat at feet as she waited.

The flight was due to take off in two hours but the drive to the airport wasn’t long so she relaxed and enjoyed the serene evening as she waited for the familiar black car that she was expecting. A Nashville winter could be a miserable experience and seemed to be approaching at a rapid pace so she had been trying to take advantage of any last moments of warmth that she could. The soft sounds of crickets chirping kept her company as she closed her eyes, trying to be present in this rare calm moment. A symptom of perpetually being late for things was the lack of time to just relax.

After a few more minutes, she registered a new light on the road through her closed eyes. As the car lights approached her house, she pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen. She grinned as she realised he was right on time.

Hayley stood quickly to grab her bags and walked quickly down the driveway. As she approached, Taylor got out of the car to meet her at the trunk.

“Hey there,” he greeted her and extended his hand for her bag.

“Right on time, as always!” she teased as she approached and handed him the bag. She watched appreciatively as he put her bags alongside his things. She stood by her belief that chivalry was old fashioned and demeaning to women, but couldn’t help but smile at his attentiveness to her.

She waited patiently as he sorted the bags and reached up to shut the trunk before turning to walk to the passenger side.

“Hey,” he called, and grabbed her hand, spinning her back towards him. She chuckled at his sudden action and leaned up to meet him as he pulled her towards him. She smiled into the soft peck and squeezed the hand that was still holding hers.

“Sorry, needed a proper hello,” he said, almost matter-of-factly, but she could tell her was teasing.

“Oh did you now?” she teased back with her brows raised, before pushing him towards his side of the car. “Let’s get moving, we’ve got a flight to catch!”

He grinned at her over the top of the car as he moved towards the door and climbed in.

As they left Hayley’s road and headed to the airport, the drive was spent mostly in comfortable silence. Despite the development in their relationship over the past couple of months, they still maintain the intimacy that came from nearly two decades of friendship. Hayley closed her eyes after a few minutes and listened to the quiet music playing on the radio. She was getting better at staying awake in the evenings now but the night flight meant that she was required to be active much later than she usually would so she rested her heavy eyes as they drove. She could hear Taylor’s fingers drumming along to the music as they rested on the console between them and smiled softly at the sound.

The comfortable silence continued until she felt the car come to a gentle stop. A warm hand stroked her arm.

“Hayles, time to go,” Taylor mumbled softly before unbuckling his seat up and gathering his keys and phone.

She shifted in her seat and sat up before rubbing her eyes as if that would energise her somehow.

“Once we are through security, can we stop and get coffee please?” she asked as she approached the trunk where Taylor was already unloading their bags. She shouldered her bag as she waited for him to gather his guitar in one hand and his bag in the other.

“Yeah, of course. I don’t think it'll be that late in LA when we land so I’d rather stay awake as well,” he replied as they moved towards the check-in desks.

The process took slightly longer than normal despite the relatively quiet airport due to his having to check-in the guitar somewhere else but they eventually made it through security with fairly little hassle. As they walked towards the gate, Taylor rubbed his hand along her back and nodded towards a group of empty chairs.

“Go take a seat and I’ll go get some coffees.” He pointed towards the coffee shop a few meters down before nudging her towards the seats. “Go on," he urged, "you’re tired so have a seat and I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He stroked the back of her head before heading off.

She scrolled through Instagram whilst she waited and liked some fan posts she had been tagged in as she sat back in her seat. She had spent a good portion of her life in airports and stiff, uncomfortable chairs didn’t faze her anymore. The airport was quiet at this time and she looked up as she sensed someone walking towards her. Fan interactions were nearly always welcome but she smiled in relief as she saw Taylor walking towards her.

She reached out with grabby hands towards the coffee and groan in anticipation. Taylor chuckled at her gestures and handed her one of the coffees as he settled down next to her. He took a sip himself before turning towards her, brow raised at the sounds she was making.

“You want some alone time with the coffee?” he asked, laughing in shock, glancing around to see if anyone else had heard.

She snorted and shoving his shoulder before swallowing another gulp. “I’m sorry but it’s just too good! I needed this so bad.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard you make sounds like that, should I be offended?” he mumbled whilst smirking. She rolled her eyes and shoved him once again, before moving closer to rest her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arm around his. He tilted his head and smiled into her hair before speaking again. “Want to listen to something whilst we wait?”

She nodded whilst taking another sip before leaning back and taking his coffee from him so he could search through his bag for headphone they could share. After a few moments of rummaging, he pulled out a pair and handed one to her before sitting back and reaching for the coffee. She resumed her position on his shoulder and watched as he scrolled through his phone for something to listen to. After eventually settling on a playlist, he locked his phone and settled his head on hers.

The scene would have looked like a standard couple to any passers bye, but this level of closeness was something they had even when they were just friends. Whatever their relationship was now, which was now certainly not _just_ friends, this comfortable intimacy had been part of their dynamic for years. They hadn’t defined what they were doing yet or where this was going but she was grateful it hadn’t changed how they had acted towards each other before. After they moved past the initial awkwardness that came from acknowledging attraction between long term friends who had always sworn that it was purely platonic affection, they had settled into a comfortable rhythm that resembled what they had before, but just much, much better.

Hayley smiled as she watched his fingers tapping against the armrest and felt the movement of his hat against her head. The hat was an almost constant presence since he had shaved off nearly all his hair months before. She personally didn’t mind however his hair looked, it looked good even this short but he seemed to be happier hiding it under a beanie for now.

The remaining time passed before the emotionless overhead voice called out that their gate was ready for boarding. Taylor moved his shoulder to get her attention and squeezed her knee to break the daze she had fallen into. He stood and offered a hand to pull her up. They set about gathering their belongings before heading to the gate. Despite the initial burst of energy the coffee had given her, Hayley felt the heavy weight of tiredness settle on her body and she shifted to the side to lean against him. He automatically wrapped an arm around her shoulder whilst continuing to scroll through his phone for his ticket.

When they eventually made it to their seats, they chatted quietly about their plans for LA. Hayley was going to hang out with Lindsey whilst he met up with Louis and the rest of the guys. They had the concert on the 12th but mostly just there was free time to hang out and relax. It was approaching winter but LA weather was still much warmer and they both planned to take advantage of that whilst they still could.

After the plane eventually took off, Hayley pulled out headphones as Taylor slid his laptop out of his bag. He was working on some music despite the band's hiatus so she inserted her own headphones into her ears and choose a playlist off her phone so she wouldn’t distract him. She shifted down and rested against his shoulder again and shut her eyes. The flight was around four hours long and she didn’t want to sleep too much in case it stopped her from sleeping when they arrived at the Airbnb. The time difference wasn’t massive but she didn’t want to be tired during their trip.

She mainly drifted in and out of a daze throughout the flight and smiled whenever Taylor would occasionally press distracted kisses to her scalp. Things had sucked in her life for a while both before and after a divorce and she couldn’t really remember when she had last felt this happy and content.

She could see the growth she had experienced over the past year just by looking around her. She would never have accepted the offer to travel across the country to watch a concert a year ago but now the thought of him going without her didn’t seem right. She wanted to support him as he had always done for her, as well the added benefit that she could be around him. He was going to play a show in New York as well that she wasn’t going to because of work commitments to Good Dye Young, but she didn’t want to dwell on how she felt when she thought of him leaving for a few days.

She didn’t think she was a particularly clingy person but she could admit to herself that she was going to miss him, even if it was just for a few days. She had struggled in the past with Chad going on tour alone and the doubts and trust issues it had left her with. Turns out her doubts had been correct in that regard but she had spent the last few days reminding herself that she shouldn’t compare Taylor to him. The two men couldn’t be more different and she trusted Taylor, even if they weren’t in an official relationship.

She glanced up at him and smiled at his concentration face. She couldn’t deny the feelings she had for him, even after spending years trying to. She knew he felt the same about her but neither one was willing to rush into labelling what was happening since it was working so well without one.

Hayley knew it was getting to the point where they really should talk about what they were to each other, if only for clarification. It was hard to take the plunge and initiate that conversation when the thought of it backfiring on her made her stomach hurt. Again, she could tell how he felt but the lingering issues that came from her last relationship sowed seeds of doubt in her brain. They hadn’t said they were exclusive even though they clearly were. At least they were in her mind.

She faulted suddenly at the realisation that maybe only she thought that. He’d made no indication that he was interested in anyone else and she couldn’t imagine that he was, considering the amount of time they spent together, but her stomach still clenched at the thought of him with someone else. She could feel herself frown at the image and she wrapped her hand around his arm to pull him closer.

He turned and looked questioningly at her, puzzled by the frown on her face. She shook her head and smiled softly before kissing his shoulder and placing her head back down.

She turned up her music slightly louder and sought to forget her past thoughts. She had no reason to be worried and she knew the kind of man that Taylor was. Her nagging insecurities had no place affecting what was going on between them. Whatever it was that was going on between them.

She checked her phone and saw they still had another hour left on the flight before they landed in LA. She settled in to get comfy on his shoulder and closed her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day of the concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! another chapter because i was bored and had time to spare!
> 
> Any feedback you guys have is appreciated!

The sun shone through one of the bedroom windows, casting warmth onto Hayley’s face as she gradually woke. She groaned quietly as she twisted to the bedside table to blearily check the time on her phone.

9:30 am

The phone clacked on the table as she dropped it back down. She rubbed her eyes as she stretched out her muscles, and twisted around to face Taylor. He was still asleep on his side facing her, arm stretched out slightly, still in place from where she had moved. She grinned at his smushed up face on the pillow and pressed her weight back towards him. She trailed a finger down his cheek softly before moving her hand to his head, smoothing down the hair that had been mused from sleep.

After a few more moments of stroking the soft hair on his head, she watched as his eyes fluttered, gradually waking up.

“Hi,” she whispered when his eyes focused on her. She stroked his hair one last time as his eyes drifted shut and pulled the duvet further up over their bodies.

“Sorry to wake you up,” she murmured as he huffed good-naturedly at her words, eyes still closed. “We are meant to meet Lindsey at 10:30, so we should probably leave in 30 minutes because of traffic.”

He shifted onto his back and rubbed his eyes for a moment before twisting back to her. He lifted a heavy arm to her side and stroked up and down several times before opening his eyes.

“Morning,” he slurred, grinning sleepily.

“Did anything I just said register in your brain?” she asked, stroking a finger down his nose, grinning back at him.

He nodded slowly and stretched out towards her, still waking up.

Hayley twisted out the way and shook her head, sitting up on the edge of the bed. “Nope, sorry,” she teased, “if we want to leave on time, I’ve got to get into the shower now,”

She laughed when he groaned as his arm hit the empty mattress. She checked her phone once more in case there was anything she urgently needed to reply to before placing it back on the table and walking to the en-suite.

She popped her head back around the side of the door towards the bed, rolling her eyes at Taylor’s lack of movement.

“Hey,” she called softly, not wanting to shock him too much, “if there was some way we could think of saving time in the showering process, that would be really helpful.” The suggestive tone made it clear what she was implying. She paused for a second, waiting for him to register her words.

Taylor’s brows shot up as his eyes opened, immediately making contact with hers. She laughed as she raised her brows back at him and jutted her jaw, challenging him to get out of bed.

He shot up and followed her in, closing the door behind him.

\--

They ended up leaving five minutes late. As predicted, LA traffic clogged the highway which took fifteen minutes to get through before they were steadily driving towards the café they had agreed to meet Lindsey at.

“Listen I’m telling you,” Hayley cried, waving her hands in the air, “you would suit it!” She laughed at the horrified look on his face as he quickly glanced at her before looking back at the road in front of them.

“Hayley, no!” he exclaimed back, “There’s not much I won’t do for you, but I swear if you try and bleach my hair, I’m not going to be happy!”

“Fine, fine!” she chuckled at his outrage, “I’ll drop it for now, but I think you would look hot!” She trailed off the end, pleased to see his charmed smirk.

“Wait, you like me? Gross!” he exclaimed like a child, before pausing and grinning at his own joke, glancing to see her reaction. She snorted at the immature joke and shook her head laughing. The grin on his face told her he was proud of the joke.

She adjusted her sunglasses further up her nose as she turned to watch the streets as they neared the café. The sun was warm through the windows as it shone into the car.

They continued in comfortable silence for a few more moments as they looked out for a spot to park the rental car. After eventually finding one within walking distance, Taylor put the car into park.

“You got everything?” he asked, locating his own wallet and shoving it into his jacket pocket.

She hummed affirmatively and jumped out of the car before walking to the sidewalk to meet him.

“You got everything you need for tonight?” she asked, checking the map on her to make sure they were heading in the right direction.

“Yeah I think so, I had the rest of my guitars sent out earlier with my tech board so I think I have everything,” he replied as they rounded the corner to the street the café was on. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his reminders app to check again.

As they approached the café, they passed two women, around a similar age to them. Hayley scowled when she noticed the appreciative once over one of the women gave Taylor as they passed by. Did she think he looked available or interested in female attention? Her head snapped to him and sighed in relief to see him still scrolling, oblivious to the attention he was getting.

Was he truly oblivious or did he just not want her to think he was interested in anyone else? She knew Chad never made it obvious when she was around that he found other women attractive, but clearly that was a lie. But Taylor isn’t Chad, she reminded herself.

He looked up at her sigh. “You good?”, he asked, confused by the sudden change in her mood.

“Me? Yeah, of course, I’m fine,” she replied, shaking off the jealous swell that had consumed her for a moment. He nodded slowly, unsure what had happened whilst he been looking at her phone before turning to pull open the door to the café.

He held it open for her and placed a hand on the small of her back as she walked through the door. She smiled up in appreciation and let him guide her to the table where Lindsey was already sat, sipping on a cup of coffee.

\--

The brunch seemed to pass quickly and eventually, it was time for Taylor to head off to meet the rest of the guys to begin prepping for the concert.

Hayley waited outside with Lindsey whilst she took a phone call, and Taylor remained inside to pay the bill. She pulled out her phone to reply to a text from Brian, who had been sending daily updates of the ongoings of the office in Nashville. She grinned at the photo he attached of himself and some of the staff all waving the new bottles of haircare at the camera. She opened the chat to send a reply when she felt a hand against her back.

She turned and grinned when she saw Taylor behind her, adjusting the beanie on his head.

“Hayles, I think I’m going to have to head off now,” he said, checking the time on his phone again. “I’m way later than I thought it was.” He gave her an apologetic smile and glanced at Lindsey before pulling the car keys out of his pocket, “Can you tell her I say bye? I’ve really got to go now.”

She nodded and smiled, stroking his arm to calm him. “Yeah, of course, don’t worry about it.”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her quickly before leaning to the side to try and catch Lindsey’s eye. He waved bye quickly and she waved back in response.

“See you later?” he called, walking backwards.

Hayley nodded and waved. “See you at the venue, say hi to the guys for me!”

He smiled and held up a thumb before turning and jogging in the direction where they had left the car.

Hayley smiled and watched him leave for a second amused by the sight of him running. She waited until he rounded the corner before turning to walk to where Lindsey stood.

“Yeah okay, great! Email me the details and I’ll get back to you!” she spoke into the phone, holding up a finger to Hayley, gesturing that the call was coming to an end.

Hayley waved a hand to show it was no problem and opened her chat with Brian to reply to the photo he had sent. After a few more moments, Hayley heard Lindsey sigh in relief and threw her phone back in her bag.

“Sorry, work call,” she explained, before tugging on Hayley’s arm to wrap around her own to pull her down the street. “You have any plans of stuff you want to do or do you want to just relax at mine?”

Hayley considered this for a second before shrugging, “I’m happy to just head back to yours, we did loads of stuff yesterday so I’m down to just relax before the show.”

“Great,” Lindsey responded, “I’m parked just down here.” They walked down the busy street in companionable silence for a few moments, appreciating the warmth of the sun before Lindsey spoke again. “I’m thinking of changing my hair again, you want to stop and get some lightener on the way back and you could do it for me whilst you’re here?”

“Of course, let’s do it!” she smiled back at her, happy to be spending time with her friend. They approached Lindsey’s car and parted ways to get in. Hayley fiddled with her phone to add some songs to the queue as they pulled out onto the road.

They sang along as they drove, and Hayley smiled at her friend as pumped her fist in time to the music. After a few songs passed, they pulled into a parking lot outside of Sally Beauty.

“I’ll just run in and grab some lightener, you can stay here if you want?” Lindsey said as she searched for her bag.

“Yeah, I’ll wait here,” Hayley replied and grinned cheekily at Lindsey as she kicked up her feet on the dashboard and pulled out her phone. Lindsey rolled her eyes in response but laughed at her friend.

“I’ll be two mins,” she said before she shut the door and jogged into the shop.

Hayley unlocked her phone and checked her unread messaged. She grinned at the sight of a message from Taylor and opened it.

_> T- I know I said I had everything for tonight, turns out I was kinda wrong. Left my shirt at the Airbnb, could you bring it plz? X_

She at his message, remembering his confidence this morning that he was completely prepared for tonight. She pulled up the chat and began to type.

_> H- You were planning on going on stage shirtless?? X_

_> T- Nah, want to keep people watching the show, not convince them to leave x_

Hayley rolled her eyes at the message, finding his self-deprecating humour silly.

_> H- I guarantee there will be at least one person in the crowd.._

_> H- ;)_

_> T- Down girl (but thanks)_

_> T- Is that a no to bringing my shirt or..?_

_> H- I got you, don’t worry!_

_> T- 10/10 ur the best, thanks Hayles x_

Hayley jumped and yelped at the sound of the car door suddenly opening, and rolled her eyes as Lindsey laughed at her startled expression.

“You a little distracted there?” she said, grinning as Hayley lowered the hand that hit her chest in shock. “Who you texting? T?”

Hayley nodded, and she could feel a nervous grin spread on her face. Lindsey knew all the details of what was going on between them and grinned back at her friend, happy to see her happy. As they pulled back onto the road, she glanced back at Hayley.

“You guys made it official yet or are you still pretending you aren’t nearly thirty years olds who won’t admit you are basically together now?” she said sarcastically, even though Hayley knew she just wanted the best for them.

“Nope!” she replied simply. Lindsey groaned in response. “Listen, it’s good at the moment, what’s the point in ruining it?” Hayley explained, hands splayed out in front of her as she spoke.

“You really think adding the term dating to your relationship would ruin it?” Lindsey asked, confused by her friend’s logic.

“I don’t know? Maybe,” Hayley defended herself before trailing off, nervous to discuss even the potential of the relationship being ruined. “I mean, we haven’t spoken about it properly, maybe he still wants the chance to see other people,” she spoke before Lindsey cut her off.

“What?” Lindsey asked, glancing at her friend, confused. “You really think he wants to see other people? Seriously? That is not the vibe I get at all Hayley!” She exclaimed, shocked by Hayley’s comment.

“I don’t know!” Hayley defended, “He can if he wants to!” Her stomach clenched as she said it, but she was adamant she wanted to seem cool about the situation. “I said, we’ve not spoken about it properly yet but he’s free to if he wants to!”

Lindsey was silent for a moment before she spoke. “You really mean that?” she said quietly, the genuine confusion evident in her voice. She glanced at her friend for a moment, concerned by her words.

Hayley gaped for a moment, not exactly sure what to respond. Of course, she didn’t want him to see someone else but she couldn’t stand the thought she was trapping him into something that he didn’t want. “Yeah, of course, I do,” she said quietly, glancing at her friend, trying to convey some truth.

Lindsey glanced at her again, before slowly nodding. “I mean if you think that, then maybe your right. But let me tell you something, whatever is going on between you two right now is good, please don’t let this end because you haven’t let him say how he is feeling.” She could see Hayley chewing on her lip in worry out of the corner of her eye, “I just really don’t see there being anyone else Hayles, don’t convince yourself there is if he’s given you no reason to. Don’t carry the burden of what happened to you last time and let that effect your potential future.”

Hayley stared at the road ahead of them as she listened to her friend. She had a point, he hadn’t given her any reason to think he didn’t want the same things as her but she could feel the instincts from her brain kicking in, telling her that it was too good to last. She had thought that last time and now she was divorced before thirty. She sighed heavily before turning to her friend and nodding, before searching for something to change the subject.

“Before the show, could you drop me off back at the rental, I need to pick up some stuff and change?” she asked, desperate for Lindsey to drop it.

Her friend glanced at her, clearly seeing it in her eyes. “Yeah of course,” she said, and leaned over to squeeze Hayley’s knee, “It’s my job, as your personal uber.” She joked, trying to coax a smile out of her friend.

Hayley smiled, grateful for her understanding nature. She leaned forward towards the controls and cranked the music louder, ready to change the mood.

\--

It was 7:30 pm by the time the taxi dropped her at the show. She had changed back at the Airbnb into something more fun and collected Taylor’s stage shirt.

She walked around the side of the building and found the equivalent of the stage door. The man holding the guest list asked for her name before letting her in, and she thanked him before wishing him a good night.

She walked about the backstage area, looking for Taylor for only a few moments before she spotted the ever-present beanie. She smirked at how she spotted him and continued walking in his direction. She spotted a few other girls in the group of people he was stood in, and couldn’t help but notice their lingering gazes towards him. She walked a bit faster.

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to stroke his back.

He turned around and immediately grinned as he recognised her. “Hey! You’re here!” he cheered and laughed as she pulled the missing shirt out of her bag. “Oh, you are genuinely the best, you know that?”

She blushed at the compliment and chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Just doing my job, someone’s got to keep the crowd here!” she joked, referencing their early conversation. He grinned, nodding at her words and took the shirt, holding it in his hand before turning back to the group.

“Hey guys, most of you already know but this is Hayley,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into the group. She smiled and waved, noticing the slight look of disappointment one of the girl's faces. She didn’t want to be smug, but it felt good to know that they could see he wasn’t interested.

She listened as the group chatted and greeted some more people who joined. She noticed some people looking between the two of them as they talked and wondered if they all thought they were together. She looked around the group and noticed the same girl from before looking between her and Taylor. Her hand clenched. Did she think he was interested in her, had something happened before she arrived?

Taylor pulled her closer slightly, and she glanced up at him. He noticed the movement and looked back, grinning at her before tilting his head and raising his brows. She could tell he was trying to silently ask if she was okay. She smiled back weakly and nodded softly, sure no one else would have even noticed the exchange.

She looked back to the group and tried to engage in the conversation again. The mouth of the guy opposite her was moving but she struggled to focus on what he was saying. She couldn’t move past the thought that those girls were clearly interested in Taylor. Of course they were, he was incredibly good looking and a nice guy, what girl wouldn’t want him.

She laughed along as the rest of the group did, but her smile was stale. She glanced up at Taylor once more before she removed herself from his arm and reached for his hand and squeezed. He looked at her questioningly.

“I’m going head out to the main room,” she explained, pointing in the direction of the audience. He tilted his head in confusion, clearly shocked by her sudden attempt at departure.

“You sure, you want to get a drink first, we aren’t going on for another twenty minutes or so?” he said, concerned.

She waved him off and squeezed his hand again, trying to reassure his attempts to stop her. “Yeah, I’m going to find a good place to stand, that’s all.” She tried to smile at him. She could tell he was confused by what she was doing

“Okay, sure,” he said unconvinced, nodding anyway even though the concern was evident in his eyes, “if you change your mind, just come back here and wait for me.” He squeezed her hand again. She glanced down and realised they had been holding each other’s for quite some time now. She nodded and waved to the group before heading back, taking one last look before she left the room. Taylor was sipping his beer whilst listening to one of the band members, still unaware of the girls staring at him.

She knew she was acting ridiculous, and it was clear he had no interest in these particular girls, but she couldn’t help but she irritated by their presence. She tried to remind herself of what she had said to Lindsey earlier, that she didn’t mind if he hooked up with another girl, even though she was comforted by his clear lack of care for any other girl in that room except her. That should be enough for now.

She shook her head and tried to forget the train of thought she right now. She came to the show to support him and have a good time, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by having a meltdown about some girls who were just in the same room as him. She was the one who was going home with later with him and she was going to make sure she enjoyed his interest whilst it lasted.

She wandered over to the bar and waited for the bartender’s attention. “Hi, one gin and tonic please.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, sorry for the double update, I was bored and wanted to get this out!
> 
> Random addition but I listened to a few songs whilst writing this and thought I'd add them hear in case anyone wanted to set the tone for this chapter (particularly the end lol)
> 
> Billie Eilish - I love you  
> Hayley Williams - Why We Ever  
> Sufjan Stevens - Visions of Gideon  
> Paramore - Hate to See Your Heart Break
> 
> Enjoy!

“You enjoy the show?” Taylor called, bounding up to her, high on post-show adrenaline.

Hayley turned at the sound, head slightly wavy from the alcohol she had consumed and grinned at his enthusiasm. She had wandered to the backstage area of the small venue after the gig had ended and waited for him to finish congratulating the rest of the band on their performance.

“Yes!” she called back and jogged slightly to him. Whether it was the alcohol that had loosened her or the relative seclusion of the backstage area that encouraged her, she greeted him by looping her arms around his neck to bring his face down to hers. He laughed in sudden surprise at her bold action but met her lips anyway and held her close for a few seconds. This was much greater of a display of affection than they usually engaged in when in public due to the low-key nature of their current relationship.

“So I played good then?” he grinned, pulling back slightly. Hayley rolled her eyes at the question and pulled him back for another kiss, before releasing him. “You want to stick around for a bit, I think the guys are going to get a drink at the bar?”

“Yeah, whatever you want, you’re the one who gets to celebrate!” she reminded him, making sure she was still close to him.

“Okay cool,” he smiled, nodding at her words. “Let me just sort out my stuff and I’ll be back in a few.” He bounded off again towards the stage. Hayley wasn’t sure if his energy was to ensure the safety of his precious equipment or to get back to her, but knowing Taylor it was likely a combination of both.

She grinned as watched him potter around the stage before pulling out her phone to check her messages. It was late in Tennessee so Brian hadn’t replied to the last one she sent a few hours ago but she knew she’d hear back from him in the morning. She opened the photo the minder had sent her of Alf sleeping this afternoon and pouted when she saw his sweet face.

One of the guys she had spoken to earlier approached her and offered her a beer which she took despite not really being a huge fan of the drink. She scanned the room and didn’t see the girls from earlier, assuming maybe they had left after the show. She felt guilty about how relieved she felt.

After taking a few sips of the beer, she headed to where a group of people had congregated, a few of who she knew vaguely. Small talk was almost her job at this stage in her career and she passed the time chatting to someone she had met at the Nashville gig. She could talk about that city for hours.

After five more minutes, she felt a familiar hand on the small of her back and grinned as she turned to face Taylor.

“Everything sorted?” she asked, glancing over at the now mostly empty stage.

“Yeah, sorted,” he waved his hand, “just need to drop that stuff off tomorrow so it can be back in Nashville when we get home.” He was prevented from saying anything more when the guy from earlier offered him a beer which he took readily and swigged quickly.

“Hey Louis said he hadn’t seen you yet tonight,” Taylor said, pointing over his shoulder to the man in question, “you want to go speak to him for a bit?”

Hayley nodded and let the hand resting on her back lead her towards her friend. She leant forward to give Louis a hug when she finally spoke to him before settling back against Taylor’s side. He was chatting to someone else, but his arm automatically came to rest on her shoulder, whilst still continuing his conversation. Hayley smiled at his constant, almost unconscious need to protect her, and continued chatting to Louis.

\--

After waking up the following day, slightly worse for wear as a result of the amount of alcohol consumed in the post-concert celebration, they spent the next few days visiting LA friends and relaxing as Hayley helped Brian prepare for the hair care launch over Skype.

It seemed to be the trip out of Nashville and their natural setting that was exposing the fact that their relationship had truly transitioned out of friendship and into the unofficial ‘couple phase’. Whether it was the knowing looks from mutual friends or the domesticity of their time in the Airbnb, it clear that the conversation of what the next step was, was incoming quick.

It terrified Hayley.

She knew she wanted to be with him, and if the way he acted towards her was any indication, it would seem like he felt the same way. But the plummeting dread that burrowed in her stomach at the thought of what that conversation might lead to halted her in her tracks anytime she dwelled on it too long. She could tell he knew something might be wrong with the amount of questioning looks and pats of comfort he’d been giving her since the day of the concert.

Whether it was the waitress in a café or a woman walking down the street, Hayley couldn’t move past fear and resentment that someone would pull his attention and make him realise she wasn’t worth it or there was someone better. As much as he would show her how much she meant to him, someone had vowed that to her before and still stamped on those promises and her heart over and over again with no mercy.

Taylor had been her confidant during that whole period and knew exactly what she’d gone through, it only made sense he was trying to protect her from hurting like that again. Every time he would kiss her cheek as a thank you, or touch her waist in passing, she couldn’t fight the rush of sadness that it might be a way to make her feel better or convince her it was a real relationship.

She knew she should speak to him about it properly, knowing from experience that letting things fester and burying her issues was the worst way to deal with things. But the trip was going so well, and she wanted to at least enjoy it whilst it lasted.

So she didn’t say anything or voice her concerns when he repeatedly asked her if something was wrong. She enjoyed the breakfasts they would have together in the dining room of the rental house and the trips to see friends where he treated her like his girlfriend. It was nicer to enjoy the good times than admit it was probably going to end soon and he’d find someone else to treat like this. It made her throat feel thick and heavy just to entertain that thought.

It eventually came to a head, starting in the bar they had walked to on their last night. The evening was warm and the streets were relatively quiet when they left the house so she grabbed his hand and pulled him in the direction she vaguely remembered the bar being in. Her memory of LA was gradually declining the longer she lived in Nashville.

“You excited to head back home tomorrow?” she asked as they strolled.

“Yeah, I guess I’m excited about my own bed again, you know? I like LA and all, but home comfort is a real thing,” he laughed, “You excited to be in Nashville again, or has the trip swayed LA back into your good books?”

“No I don’t think so, LA is nice, and don’t get me wrong, I love the weather,” she stressed the last part and smiled as he hummed in support, “but the longer I live in Nashville, the most I realise how vital it is for me to be there and around the people I care about.” She glanced up at him and saw him nodding before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he murmured against her skin, before squeezing her hand again.

They walked in comfortable silence again until they reach the bar, appreciating the night and the scenes around them.

As the approached the bar, Taylor held out his arm for Hayley to head in first. She smiled at him and headed to the door.

“Excuse me miss, ID please?” the gruff doorman asked, raising his brows at Hayley’s attempt to just walk in.

“Oh I’m twenty-eight,” she explained to the man, laughing at his request. His stared at her before his brows seemed to raise further as he stretched out his hand and requested for ID again.

“You’re carding me? Seriously?” Hayley was almost speechless for a moment and gaped at the man. Behind her, she could hear faint snickering from Taylor and had to resist the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes at the situation. She dug through her purse for a moment before presenting her ID to the bouncer. He inspected it closely before handing it back to her and waving his arm in the direction of the bar.

She grabbed the ID and shoved it back in her purse before plastering a fake smile on her face and thanking the man. She walked forward and turned to wait for Taylor’s to be checked.

She nearly squawked in protest when he was waved straight through.

“Are you kidding me?” she demanded before Taylor pushed her through into the bar area, laughing at her expense. “Can you believe that shit?” she argued, irked by the joy on his face at the situation.

“No I can’t,” he said, suddenly seeming confused as well.

“Thank you!” she exclaimed.

“I can’t believe it looks like I’m in a bar with someone underage, that’s so gross,” he said in mock confusion and pulled a face before laughing at the groan she released in response. “Hey come on now,” he said through the laughter, grabbing hold of her shoulders to direct her to a bar stool, “Let’s order you a drink and prove to everyone you _can_ legally have one!”

She slapped his shoulder but grinned back at his shit-eating grin. “You’re so annoying!” she mumbled, before pulling him into a side hug as he stood next to her at the bar. “You’re buying all my drinks now.”

He hummed in agreement before kissing her head again and then leaning over to signal for the bartender.

The evening continued smoothly for the next hour until Hayley excused herself to go to the bathroom after drinking several gin and tonics quickly. She rolled her eyes and pulled a face as Taylor laughed at her as she swayed slightly when she jumped off the stool.

“Not a word, York” she threatened, before rolling her eyes again at the zipping motion he made over his mouth whilst sarcastically nodding. She snorted at his stupidity before turning to head to the bathroom.

She quickly used the toilet before heading to the mirror to check her appearance, making sure the alcohol or the heat of the bar hadn’t smudge her makeup. Satisfied with what she saw, she turned to head out before moving aside to let another girl into the bathroom. She nodded as she thanked her.

As she approached the stool where she was sat before, she stopped suddenly when she noticed a girl talking to Taylor and gesturing to where she had previously sat. She grimaced and watched for a second, before swallowing the thick lump in her throat and marching over to them.

“Hi,” she said, glaring at Taylor, brows raised.

“Oh hey you’re back, I was just explaining that the seat was saved,” he said, gesturing to the girl in front of them, not registering the way Hayley was staring at him.

“Yeah, sorry to bother you guys, just trying to find somewhere for me and my friends to sit,” the girl said, gesturing around to the busy bar. She smiled and waved at them before heading off back into the crowd.

“Everything all good?” he asked, tapping the seat in front of him, motioning for her to sit.

“T, I want to go,” she mumbled, staring at the ground, unsure of how to handle the situation. Her anger from before had disappeared, replaced by sadness and shame.

“What? Do you want to go somewhere else? Somewhere quieter?” he said, pulling out his phone to start searching for other bars in the area.

“No I want to go home,” she mumbled again, unable to look at him.

“What? It’s only like 9 pm and it’s our last night!” he said, laughing and continuing to scroll, oblivious to the grim set of Hayley’s mouth.

“Taylor,” she said suddenly, grabbing his knee to get his attention, “I want to go home now!” she demanded quietly, holding eye contact with him.

He stared at her for a second, confused by the sudden change in her mood, wondering what had happened whilst she had been in the bathroom.

Hayley hopped off the stool and grabbed her jacket before heading out the door, grimacing at the bouncer before stepping out into the air, significantly cooler than the heat of the bar.

She stood on the pavement shaking and waited for Taylor to emerge from the bar. As he stumbled out quickly, confusion evident on his face, her stomach dropped at the realisation this was all going to have to end.

They stared at each other for a moment whilst Hayley shook her head sadly, before turning to march down the street.

“Hayley wait, you need to tell me what’s happening? Is something wrong?” he called as he jogged to catch up with her.

“Taylor, I swear,” she snapped, before she cut herself off, unsure what she was going to even say, “let’s just go home, I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Are you okay, did something happen?” he asked trying to reach for her, concern filling his voice and face.

“Taylor, please,” she begged and stopped walking, unable to have this conversation on the street. He stopped as well and stared at her for a moment, before dropping his head in resignation.

“Okay, let’s go home,” he said quietly, gesturing up the street before shoving in his hands in his pockets.

They walked in silence for the majority of the journey. Hayley could see Taylor’s concerned glances out of the corner of her eyes but stared straight ahead as she walked. She wrapped her arms around herself, the night seemed much colder than it did before.

As they turned onto the street, Taylor stopped and stared at her. “Will you at least tell me if you’re okay?” he asked quietly.

“Taylor, please we are nearly there,” she said, gesturing down the street as she kept walking. The balls of her feet were aching after walking that quickly whilst wearing heeled boots.

“Tell me what I can do to help at least!” he called, desperate to solve whatever was wrong.

“You can let us get inside before we have this conversation,” she called back as she walked through up to the gate code, before angrily punching in the number. They walked up to the house in silence.

Hayley dug through her bag frantically, aware of the concerned look Taylor was giving her. As she found the keys and attempted to open the door, her hands shook.

“Hayley, let me do it,” Taylor offered gently, reaching for the keys.

“Don’t.” After another attempt, she opened the door.

Immediately after entering, she walked straight through to the living room and left Taylor to lock up. She left the lights off, dropped to the edge of the sofa and slumped her hands onto her face before breathing deeply. She stayed there until she heard the sounds of slow footsteps approaching the room. Taylor was stood in the doorway, biting his lip as they made eye contact. Concern was engraved on his face.

“Hayley, just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it,” he offered earnestly.

“It’s over.” She dropped her head.

Taylor squinted for a moment, confused by what she had said. “It’s over,” he pointed around them, “as in the trip? We can stay longer if you..”

Hayley cut him off. “No, not the trip,” she said, sadness laced in her voice as her chin wobbled, “Us.”

Taylor stared at her for another before walking to the sofa quickly, “Hayles,” he said, reaching for her before she moved away. His hand dropped next to her, “I’m confused what you’re saying.”

“Us. Whatever this is. It’s over.” She said plainly, looking him in the eye, trying to get him to understand. His eyes widened in panic.

“What are you talking about?” he said, panic creeping up his throat, “what happened tonight, I don’t understand?.”

She turned to face him, “It was never going to work T,” she laughed darkly, confused why she was doing so, “it never was. I don’t know why we tried.” She smiled at him, trying to convince him this was right.

“Why are you saying that?” he said, almost begging, “I don’t understand what you are talking about right now, did I do something?” His eyes were searching for something in hers, a clear explanation maybe.

“It was always going to end,” she explained sadly, feeling the corners of her mouth drop as she saw him shaking his head sadly, trying to deny what she was saying.

“Hayley, please, talk to me and we can work whatever’s wrong out!” he begged.

“Taylor,” she whispered, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek. His eyes snapped to her, they were wet. “It’s better now before we decide that we don’t want this.”

“What?” he asked, “you don’t know what I want, you never asked me!” he exclaimed.

“Well what do you want then?” she asked, bracing for the answer she couldn’t bear to hear. Hearing he wanted someone else would break her.

He paused before he spoke again. “You.” His face crumpled as he said it, looking down to avoid her seeing him cry.

“You say that now, but you don’t know what you’ll want in the future,” she reasoned, trying to get him to understand why she was doing this. She couldn’t bear to see him upset over something that was for the best. She was just preparing for the inevitable.

“I thought you wanted this too,” he gestured between, annoyance and confusion mixed into his tone, before swiping a hand across his mouth.

“I do,” she said before he cut her off and grabbed her hands.

“Then please don’t do this Hayley,” he begged again. She lifted his hands to her mouth and kissed them.

“It’s better now before we let it get too far,” she reasoned softly.

“Well, it’s already gone too far for me,” he said plainly, looking her directly in the eye, hands thrown up in submission and shrugging his shoulders.

She bit her lip for a second, unsure of what to do other than stare at him. She could hear what he was saying, but she didn’t believe it. She couldn’t let herself.

“Hayley, please let’s just forget about this conversation,” he whispered, voice hoarse from emotion.

She reached out and touched his chin and neck before pulling him to her. The kiss was soft and painful. She pulled back enough after a few moments to rest her forehead against his, only aware now that there were tears streaming down her face. She shook her head no as was it pressed against his, and she could feel him nodding, trying to convince her to change her mind.

“I’m so sorry,” she croaked. Another tear dropped off her face as he released a heavy breath.

She pulled back and swallowed hard, before tucking the hair that had fallen into her face behind her ears. She stood up and walked to the door but turned before she left.

He was sat completely still, staring at the wall with his chin resting on his hand, biting his lip hard. The room was dark but the moon was shining through the window.

“T, it’s not about you. You were amazing.” She said quietly, her voice cracking at the end.

“Yeah,” he huffed quietly, blinking hard before wiping his hands against his eyes. He swallowed heavily.

Hayley released a shuddering breath before turning to grab her bag. She’d text Lindsey to keep the door unlocked from the taxi.

She glanced back one last time but he refused to make eye contact. She nodded slowly before walking to the door to stand outside on the sidewalk. It took her a second to order an uber through her blurry eyes.

She looked at the house once last time before wiping her nose and faced ahead.

It was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could possibly add another chapter if there's enough interest in my continuing it or is it best to leave it there, please let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just a short one, I'm a bit stuck for ideas at the moment but I felt bad for not updating for a few days!
> 
> Enjoy!

Hayley ended up staying with Lindsey for the next few days.

Her ticket home to Nashville had been booked by Taylor and she couldn’t face having to sit on a five-hour flight with him right now. She had no idea when he would want to see her again, but she was certain it wasn’t going to be on a cross country plane trip.

She sent texted Lindsey from the Uber to let her know she was coming, and that she should wait up for her. Her chin wobbled at the response.

_L- Will do! Do I have time to change the sheets on the double bed in the spare?_

She squeezed her eyes shut at the implication that Taylor would be with her. The back of the Uber returned to darkness as she locked her phone, too ashamed to send an accurate response to her friend.

She released a few long breathes out her mouth as she fanned her face, trying to cool the bright red she could feel was burned on her cheeks. She considered what the driver must be thinking of her right now before she remembered where she was. A crying woman was probably one of the least concerning things that a driver would see on a normal night driving around LA. She took strange comfort in the fact at least she hadn’t ruined his night as well.

She began to recognise the streets around her despite the darkness and wiped under her eyes with the heel of her hand once more to try and pull herself together. Mascara was stained on her hand and she cringed at the thought of what she looked like right now. Lindsey was going to assume the worst. She wouldn’t be too far off.

The taxi slowed to a stop in front of Lindsey’s house and Hayley checked her phone and wallet before getting out the taxi. She wished the man a goodnight before slamming the door shut.

The balls of her feet ached as she walked up the path, still sore from her near sprint back from the bar. She winced with each step she took up the small set of stairs.

She knocked before quickly wiping her eyes and nose on the sleeve of her jacket and blew another puff of air out of her lips before forcing a weak smile onto her face. She didn’t have to wait long for the door to open.

“Hey!” Lindsey cheered, before cutting off as her face dropped, “Oh my god, what happened?” she cried, taking in her blotchy appearance.

“Hey,” Hayley cringed, before ducking her head and pushing into the hall. She kept her head low as she knelt down to unzip her boots.

“Hayley, what’s wrong?” she said, still standing in the doorway.

“Nothing!” she tried, the fake smile still plastered on her face. She could feel her lips trembling despite it.

Lindsey gapped at her, confused by her appearance and her words before turning to look out the door. “Where’s Taylor? Is he paying the taxi or something?” She was on the tip of her toes, craning to see the sight of him in the street.

The sound of his name made Hayley falter, her hand covered her mouth to stop the noises that were inevitably going to fall out. She remained crouched in the hall and avoided looking at Lindsey. Her eyes burned as she stared at the spot on the floor right in front of her.

Lindsey looked out the door once more before turning to question the silence from her friend. “Hayley, where is T-” she trailed off as she caught sight of her. She understood immediately, remembering their conversation from the other day.

“Oh honey,” she whispered before shutting the door and rushing to her. She knelt next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It was at this point she noticed they were shaking.

They knelt in silence on the floor for a few more moments, the sounds of only shuddering breathes filling the hall. Lindsey rubbed her shoulder blades and murmured comforting sounds to try and soothe her.

“Hayley, will you look at me please?” she asked softly, genuine concern mixing into her tone. Her friend sniffed loudly in response before releasing another shuddering breath.

Hayley tilted her head, making eye contact for the first time since the door had opened and weakly smiled, eyes glistening with red. She cringed at the thought of someone seeing her cry like this.

The corner of her friend’s mouth turned downwards at the sight of her, before she reached out to wipe the wet streaks of her face. Hayley smiled wetly at the sign of affection but felt her eyes well up again. Guilt and shame wracked her body at someone showing her kindness after what she had just done. Her lips trembled at the thought that she didn’t deserve this when he was all alone.

“You want to talk about it tonight?” Lindsey murmured, still rubbing her shoulders.

“Not really,” she whispered back and smiled sadly, she appreciated her concern but she hoped her friend would understand.

Lindsey sucked her lips into her mouth but nodded sympathetically. They stayed in silence for a few more moments before she shifted. “I promise I am one hundred per cent focused on you right now, but sitting on the floor like this is killing my knees,” she murmured before grinning slightly at her friend.

Hayley rolled her eyes and snorted at the joke, appreciative for the change in subject. She swallowed heavily before looking up at the light and hurriedly wiping her eyes again. She transferred her weight and placed her hands on the floor before pushing herself into a standing position. She held out a hand for her friend.

Lindsey smiled before glancing at her hand. “I appreciate the sentiment, but your hand is covered in snot right now so maybe not.” She clambered until she was stood up and wrapped her arm around Hayley’s shoulder to start directing her towards the guest bedroom.

“You want to talk about it at any point tonight, just let me know, okay? Wake me up if you want,” Lindsey assured her as they walked down the hall. Hayley nodded as her cheeks burned with shame, unable to even thank her friend for being so kind to her. If she knew what she had just done to him, there’s no way she would be acting this way towards her, she wouldn’t have deserved it.

Lindsey reached out to flick the lights on of the guest room and turned before smoothing a wild piece of hair on Hayley’s head. She cupped the back of her head before asking, “Do you need anything for tonight?”

Hayley’s stomach tightened as she realised all her belongings were still in their room in the Airbnb. She’d left so quickly after letting him go that there was no time to grab her stuff. She’d have to collect them at some point before he left but the thought of going back in there was too overwhelming right now.

She wandered to sit on the bed before asking, “Could you lend me a shirt to sleep in, I didn’t bring anything with me?” Her voice was scratchy from the crying and cringed that she hadn’t heard herself sound this weak in years.

“Of course, that’s no problem,” Lindsey reassured, slightly alarmed by her friend’s timid voice. She watched with concern as she sat on the bed, shoulders slumped with shame and defeat. The change in her friend from brunch a few days ago to now was obvious. Her body seemed to radiant sadness and self-loathing. She wasn’t going to push it tonight, but it was pretty clear what had happened between her two friends early that night.

“Thanks,” she croaked back as Lindsey left to grab her a change of clothes. She stared at the room around her, unsure of what to do. She sat in silence and stared at the wall in front of her, unable to register what was the subject of the framed photographs in front of her as her eyes blurred.

She was eventually broken out of the empty haze as Lindsey padded back into the room, t-shirt in hand. “You want to go to bed now, it’s still pretty early?”

Hayley cleared her throat of the thickness that had developed before making eye contact with her friend. “Erm, yeah, I think I need to sleep it off,” she said, waving her hand in front of her, trying to lighten the tension and stop Lindsey from staring at her with those sympathetic eyes.

“You sure, I’m happy to sit with you if you want?” she offered earnestly.

“No, I promise, I just need to sleep and be alone,” she assured her, trying to rid her friend of concern. She couldn’t handle someone feeling sorry for her right now.

Lindsey nodded before placing the t-shirt on the bed. She reached out and squeezed Hayley’s handed before moving towards the door.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Hayley called meekly before she could leave, “Can you call Zac or Justin? I think he might need them right now?” They hadn’t spoken about what had happened tonight yet but her eyes begged her to understand and not ask any more questions.

Lindsey stopped at the door and turned to her. Her eyes softened in the understanding of her request and bit her lip to stop the soft smile forming at her friend’s concern for Taylor, regardless of whatever had happened between them tonight. She stopped herself before she could express this to her, knowing it was the last thing she wanted to hear. She nodded.

“Of course I can,” she assured her softly before wishing her goodnight and shutting the door.

Hayley listened for the sound of her footsteps retreating to the living room before she yanked off her clothes and pulled on the t-shirt. It fit her relatively well but she couldn’t help but notice the change in size to the t-shirts she been borrowed recently. Her lips twitched in sadness before she schooled her face and shook her head as if it would shake off her grief.

She pulled back the covers and climbed into the cold bed. She lived alone but in reality, had spent very few days in the recent months in a bed by herself. The comfort and warmth she had grown used to couldn’t have felt more absent than it did at that moment. The pang of loneliness hit as she realised she already missed him. She had sent him away for his own good but she couldn’t feel more alone.

She bit her lip as she reminded herself that she’d made her decision because it was what was for the best for both of them. It just really sucked to know she wasn’t going to fall asleep with him again. The thought made her eyes sting. The comfort and safety he gave her were gone and it was her own fault.

She wrapped the duvet around her as she thought about what she’d been doing twenty-four hours ago. They had been lying in bed watching TV as he stroked her hair from where her head lay on his chest. He made dumb jokes about the show they were watching and she had been smirking against his skin, trying to avoid giving him the complete satisfaction of knowing how much his immaturity amused her.

And now she was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was all i could come up with for now! Let me know if you enjoy it or want the story to go in a particular direction!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, another update because it's too hot in the UK to sleep right now lol. I promise the next one will move the story forward, I just think this discussion needed to happen to keep it realistic (as possible lol), even if it's not the most exciting.

The next morning Lindsey left Hayley in her kitchen to fetch her belongings from the Airbnb. She scrolled aimlessly through the list of available flights back to Nashville on google and considered what were her best options. Staying with Lindsey for a few more days might help to distract her from yesterday’s event but she also ached for Alf and her house. The new product release from Good Dye Young required her attention and it was only a matter of time before Brian would start to question her absence.

She bit her lip and sighed. She couldn’t avoid Nashville for too long, no matter how much she dreaded what emotions going home would dig up. After scrolling through the available tickets for a few minutes, she settled on one that left tomorrow morning. It gave her time to chat with Lindsey and make sure there would be no crossover with Taylor’s flight home.

She shot a text to Alf’s sitter and promised to pay extra for the late notice. A pang of guilt hit her at the thought of leaving him another day. She knew he didn’t really understand and he loved the sitter, but he would be happier with her. She rubbed her eyes aggressively and busied herself with sorting a mug of coffee to drink as she waited for Lindsey to come back, trying to will away yet another load of guilt to add the heavy weight that had been consuming her since yesterday.

The sound of a key in the door startled her out of her thoughts as she watched Lindsey carrying her bags through the door.

“Okay, I think this is everything,” she said, dropping the bags onto the floor, “that look about right?”

Hayley wandered over and checked. “Looks good to me,” she said before reaching for her friends hand and smiled appreciatively, “you’re a great friend Linds.”

“You’d do the same for me,” Lindsey stated as if it was nothing. She squeezed her hand before walking to the sofa and patting the cushion next to her. “Sit.”

Hayley stared at her for a moment before she raised her brows expectantly and patted the cushion again. They stared at each other for a moment before Hayley eventually sighed and trudged to the sofa, dropping down heavily to the space next to her friend.

“Listen, you don’t have to talk about it if you really don’t want to, but I think you’d benefit from getting whatever’s wrong off your chest.”

Hayley opened her mouth to argue but Lindsey cut her off again. “You also turned up at my house late at night crying and unable to tell what was wrong.” She looked pointedly at Hayley.

Hayley swallowed before conceding. “Yeah, sorry about that.” She chuckled to try and lighten the situation. She was still wearing the t-shirt from last night so she tucked her legs in to try and provide some cover.

“Hayley, I’m not telling you off like I’m your mom, I’m happy you came to me. But I’m your friend and I want to know that you’re okay.”

Hayley nodded before taking a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s just a lot to deal with and I really don’t think I have it in me to cry again.” She took a long sip of her coffee to hide her face.

Lindsey reached over and squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, nodding in understanding. Hayley twisted her fingers together in her lap before continuing.

“I mean, I guess if it isn’t obvious by the fact that he’s not here, I walked out on Taylor last night,” she broke off, gulping at the memory before forcing herself to keep talking, “I don’t know what happened exactly but we were out at a bar and I freaked out, so we went home and I told him it was best if we ended whatever we were doing.” 

Her words had tumbled out so she paused and looked up at Lindsey, tense with anticipation for the look of anger that would greet her. She was shocked to see Lindsey staring at her, her features scrunched with confusion.

“What happened though?” she asked, “what triggered you to think that was a good idea?”

Hayley started at her wording and frowned slightly. “Erm well, I guess I had gone to the bathroom and when I came back there was a girl talking to him.” She looked and saw Lindsey waving her hand, gesturing for her to continue as if that wasn’t enough.

“Wait, so he was speaking to a girl? Was he flirting with her, was he interested in something more?” She asked, genuinely confused by the possibility of that. Hayley may be one of her closest friends, but she knew Taylor well and that didn’t sound like something he would do. Especially not to Hayley.

“I don’t know!” Hayley explained defensively, not appreciating her friend's questioning of her logic. She had been confident she had made the right decision last night and she didn’t need someone proving her wrong. It was too late anyway.

Lindsey reached out to her forearm to calm her. “Hayley, I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just confused by what happened. Did you see something happen that was inappropriate or..?” she said, drifting off again, trying to prompt Hayley to continue.

Hayley bit her lip and stared down at her fingers again before sighing. “I mean, he wasn’t making a move or anything. I spoke to the girl when I got back and she said she was looking for seats for her friends,” she said before looking up and snorting derisively, “and yeah, I’m sure that’s all she was wanted from him.”

“So, what happened was you saw a girl talking to Taylor in a bar when you weren’t there. Did he seem interested in her?” Lindsey asked, still confused by what could have happened to upset her friend so much.

“Not that I saw,” Hayley mumbled whilst trying to resist rolling her eyes, annoyed at Lindsey’s logic picking her thoughts.

“And you ended the relationship that made you happier than I’ve seen you in years,” Lindsey said pointedly, “because of a girl he wasn’t even interested in, was speaking to him?”

“We weren’t in a relationship,” Hayley mumbled again. Lindsey rolled her eyes in exasperation and tutted, glaring at her.

“Hayley!” she cried, throwing her hands in the air, “that is not the point. You guys may have not discussed it yet but you’ve been as good as in relationship for nearly two years now, even if you only acknowledge that fact a few months ago! And you’re telling me that you end it all because of some girl in a bar who spoke to him?”

Hayley put her head into her hands and rubbed her eyes before looking up at her friend. “It’s not just her, it feels like every woman I see is interested in him and I hate it!” She groaned at her own words, loathing the fact that she sounded like her fifteen-year-old self.

“Well, that’s what happens when you date a guy who looks like he does!” Lindsey replied quickly. She would never talk to her friend like this normally, but she was frustrated now and confused why she’d made these choices. Watching someone throw away a good thing was painful. “You really think he would do something like that to you? Do you think that boy even knows how many girls would give anything for some time with him? Because right now it sounds like we are talking about a different Taylor York.”

Hayley gapped at her for a second, unable to give her an answer. Deep down she knew there was no way he was capable of doing something like, especially not to her. It was completely out of character for him. If he was wanted something with any of many the girls that were interested in him, he wouldn’t have been single for nearly two years. That didn’t mean she could handle even the slightest possibility of that happening.

Lindsey waited for a response before continuing when it was clear there wasn’t one coming. “I’m not trying to upset you, Hayley, I promise,” she spoke quietly, “it's just that you two were finally so happy and I don’t want you to throw that away because you’re scared of something that hasn’t even happened!”

She shook her head slightly before hanging it in shame.

“And I get it, if there’s anyone who has a reason to be scared of being messed around, it’s you,” she continued, squeezing her hand, “but they are two very different men, don’t treat them like they’re not.”

Hayley’s chest tightened at her words. Her cheeks burned at the thought that she’d let him affect her and Taylor when she’d worked so hard to be rid of him and any impact he had on her life. Until today, she had been confident she was free of him and what he did to her.

“Yeah,” she finally got out, “I hear what you’re saying.”

“Taylor is so good for you,” Lindsey said earnestly, “and I think you’re really good for him. I’ve never seen him that happy, Hayley.” Hayley blushed at her words before smiling softly at the thought of him.

“And I think he made you really happy as well, am I right?” Lindsey teased softly, aware of the precarious nature of her mood.

Hayley nodded before her face dropped again. “Fuck, Lindsey,” she groaned. She palmed her face again before pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know if I can fix this though. You should have seen his face when I walked out, I’ve never seen him like that.” Her mouth twitched with sadness at the image.

“You need to talk to him and work it out,” Lindsey said reassuringly, “I’m not going to lie and say I think it’s going to magically fix itself, because we both know it won’t. But you guys have waited long enough to be happy, so fight for it. You owe it to yourselves”

She gently grabbed her chin and brought her up to eye level. “You’ve got to work for it though Hayley,” she said, raising her brow in seriousness, “I wasn’t there but I think he’s going to be really hurt by what happened. But if there’s anyone who would be willing to go through that for you, it’s him.” She paused before speaking again. “I guess you just need to decide if you’d rather work for it and be with him, or just let it go and avoid the possible heartache.”

Hayley gulped. She knew everything she was saying was true but she dreaded to think how much damage she’d already done.

“Maybe it’s also time to consider why you reacted like that,” Lindsey offered, “I know you’re cautious after what happened last time, but I think to talk to someone properly wouldn’t hurt. The band is on a break and you’ve got time to make some real progress.”

Hayley considered it for a moment. The conversation had made her reassess what had occurred the night before and she knew now that her reaction wasn’t logical. There was clearly more to her problems than she originally thought. But none of the problems included him.

She really had to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, I promise the next will be more exciting! let me know what you think, I appreciate it a lot!


	6. Chapter 6

“So have you thought any more about what you’re going to do next?”

“Brian, I’ve barely been home for more than three hours,” Hayley pointed out. “My only plan right now is to fix everything. How I’m going to do that? I have no idea.” She stated matter-of-factly, before trailing off at the end, depleted.

Brian hummed and took another sip of wine.

Hayley huffed and looked pointedly at him. “Brian, please not tonight,” she begged, “I just want to sit here with you and Alf and talk about the new release. I can’t even think about that other stuff right now.” That was a complete lie. She couldn’t stop.

Brian nodded and looked down, trailing his fingers loudly across the sofa cushion. He hummed again and pursed his lips, waiting for her attention. She stared at him before groaning.

“Brian.”

“Yes?” he replied sweetly.

She glared at his attempt at innocence before huffing again and throwing her arms up. “Fine, I see we aren’t going to move past this, so what do you want to know?”

“Oh thank god you asked,” he burst as if he hadn’t dragged it out of her and turned to sit on the sofa, facing her head-on. “I just don’t get what happened, like, two weeks ago you were obsessed with each other. Now you’ve suddenly broken up? How does that even happen?”

“We weren’t together!” she exclaimed automatically.

“Sure whatever,” Brian said dismissively, rolling his eyes at her response. “I love you but if you really think that’s the truth then I don’t know what to say.”

Hayley bowed her head and nodded. Clinging to the idea that they weren’t officially together to make what had happened less painful was pointless. She hadn’t felt like that about anyone in a long time, and she was slowly coming to realise that he felt the same.

She softly patted Alf’s head where he lay beside her and took a sip before replying. “Yeah, I know,” she mumbled quietly before looking up at her friend, “I really fucked up and I feel awful about what happened. I just want to fix it and sort myself out, I just don’t know where to even start.” She swallowed before continuing, “I really miss him and it’s been like two days.”

Brian nodded sympathetically before reaching out and squeezing her knee. “I know this – the deep, meaningful conversations – isn’t our usual thing, but it’s a good thing that you know you messed up. You can’t fix anything if you can't apologise for hurting him. I think its best if you give him some time though, lick his wounds and stuff.” He squeezed her knee once more before leaning back and smiling at her, creating a rare moment of tenderness for the usually vibrant pair.

She smiled at him, grateful for his friendship. “Thanks, B.”

He waved his hand to dismiss the emotional situation and pushed her wine glass up to her face, “Okay, let’s stop with the sappy stuff. Gross.” Hayley laughed at his dismissal as if he hadn’t been practically begging for her to talk about it less than five minutes ago. “We have a business to run Williams and I will _not_ allow boy drama to overtake that. Whilst you were sunning it up in California, I was captaining this launch and we have things to discuss so let’s drink this wine and crunch some numbers!

Hayley belly laughed at him and the absurd notion of them having any understanding of the economics of the business. She followed his instruction and took a sip before adjusting Alf’s head and sat back on the sofa, listening to the details of the hair care lines opening performance.

\--

“Okay, thank you so much for your help! See you soon.” Hayley said as she hung up the phone. She’d used the time during Alf’s walk to get in touch with a therapist that had been recommended to her. Her first appointment with her was booked for a few days’ time.

She was proud of herself. A few months ago, she would have denied needing any more help and that been adamant she was the happiest she had been in years. To some extent that was true but her reaction in LA revealed that she still had some work to do to solve problems she barely even knew existed.

She rubbed her eyes at the thought of the inevitable turmoil that therapy was going to cause. The process would be worth the end result, she reminded herself. It was going to make it all worth it.

She smiled at the sight of Alf sitting patiently on the path, waiting for her to catch up.

“Hey Butters,” she said reaching out the pat him. She laughed at his joyful reaction to the attention and moved to scratch behind his ears, knowing that was one of his favourite spots.

Her phone rang as she moved back to standing. She groaned and pulled it out to check who was calling. She smiled at the name and held it up to her ear.

“Hey Zac,” she called happily.

“What’s up, Williams?” he responded. She told him about Alf’s walk and promised to bring him over in the next few days.

They chatted for a few minutes about what Zac had been up to for the past few weeks as Hayley laughed at her friend, missing him despite only being apart from him for a short amount of time. He relayed stories about Halfnoise’s tour before Hayley told him about a guy she had met last week who had been to one of their shows. It was comforting to know that she was connected to him even without his constant company.

She faulted suddenly as she remembered when the actual last time she had spoken about him. She had never asked Lindsey what had happened after she went to bed that night.

She waited for him to finish his sentence before clearing her throat. She had to know what he knew, if only to let her know how Taylor was doing.

“Hey Z,” she asked cautiously, “did Lindsey call you the other day?”

She winced at his silence.

He stuttered and mumbled in his awkward Zac way before she cut him off finally.

“Zac, please?” she said softly.

He sighed before responding. “Yeah, she called me.”

Hayley nodded whilst processing the information. A rare awkward silence took over their conversation.

Zac coughed slightly before speaking. “Listen, Hayley, I’m sorry I didn’t call you before now, I know I should have done,” he rushed out, “I just didn’t know how involved you guys wanted everyone else to be.”

“Zac, please don’t apologise! You’re his best friend and I’m glad he has you, especially after the other night,” she responded sincerely, trying to calm his guilt. She paused before speaking again, “have you spoken to him since? How is he?”

She braced for his words but was met with another awkward silence. She winced as she waited for her friend to respond.

“Hayley, you know Taylor. He doesn’t react well to stuff like that.”

Hayley blinked at his vague response, the heavy weight of worry settling into her gut. “Is he home? I know it’s a stupid question considering everything but is he okay?”

“I’m not saying this to upset you Hayley, but I know you care for him so I’ll just tell you the truth,” Zac spoke softly, voice unusually free of any humour or teasing. “I think he was really shocked by what happened, I mean he’s not one for talking about that stuff but from what I got on the phone, he seemed devastated. He didn’t want to talk much that night, he just kept saying he wanted to come home.”

It was like a punch in the gut to hear words that didn’t even surprise her.

“Zac, I feel awful. I regret the whole thing and I have to fix it,” she said quietly, hating how vulnerable she was being mid-dog walk. But if there was anyone who could help her with Taylor, it was Zac.

“Hayley, I know you didn’t want to hurt him on purpose. Hell, I’m sure even he knows that,” he consoled her, “I guess having what he had wanted for so many years be pulled from him so suddenly just hit him hard.” She could hear him wince and start to panic. “Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to come out like that!”

“No, nothing you said was wrong,” she rushed out, “I deserve it as well! I hate what happened and I promise I’m going to fix it, I just need to make sure he knows he can trust me so he’ll take me back.”

“Hayley, you know he would do anything for you,” Zac said truthfully, “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

“I going to start by trying to convince him to speak to me,” she chuckled self-deprecatingly, “and after that, I’m not sure. I’m mean, all I can do is apologise for what happened and promise that it was never about him and that I let my own issues get in the way of one of the best things in my life, and that I’ll do anything to get it back.” She cut herself off from rambling.

“I think that’s a good start, Hayley,” Zac said sweetly, “You guys are both so important to me, I just want to see you happy and if that’s together, then I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Yeah, he made me happier than I even realised,” she responded, smiling at the thought of him.

“Aw, my best friends,” Zac cooed, and Hayley rolled her eyes and huffed good-naturedly at his joke. His voice returned to normal before he continued, “I mean it, Hayley, I think talking to him is a start and but it’s going to suck, you’ve just got to work through it. I was thinking of inviting people around in a few days so maybe then? He said he wasn’t in the mood when I asked but I’ll get him there if I need to!”

Hayley considered it for a moment, unsure of what was the best idea. He could be just as stubborn as her when he wanted to be and she didn’t know what his mental state was at the moment. She felt a pang of sadness at the thought of him being consumed by it and all alone in his house after what she did to him.

“I don’t know yet if I’ll talk to him about it then but I think getting him out and with friends is a good idea either way,” she said as she caught up to where Alf was waiting near the gate of the park. She clipped his leash before continuing, “Thanks for being such a good friend Zac, to me and T,” she said honestly.

“Don’t worry about it Williams, I just want you guys to be happy and I’ll do whatever I can to help,” he responded sincerely. Hayley was reminded of how grateful for she was to have him back in her life.

“I promise I’m going to sort this Zac,” she said seriously, “I’ve booked my first appointment with a new therapist and everything. I’m not going to let this happen again.”

“Thanks really great Hayley, I’m proud of you,” he said genuinely. She could almost hear him smiling.

“Listen, I’m going to have to go because I need to sort Alf out,” she said as she neared her car, “But thanks for calling Z, it means a lot.” She paused before continuing, “Do you think you could keep an eye on him still, I know he won’t want to speak to me right now but I’m still worried.”

“Of course, Hayley,” her friend responded sweetly. She smiled at no one in particular.

They exchanged goodbyes and the details for a possible meet up before she hung up and turned to look down at her dog.

“Hey baby,” she cooed at Alf as he stuck out his tongue, “you ready to go home?”

\--

The following few days passed relatively quietly. Hayley busied herself with Good Dye Young and completing the work given to her in her first therapy session. It had been recommended to her that removing her online presence from her mind would be a useful step in the process. She loved the interaction that social media enabled with fans but she couldn’t deny the burden it brought was too heavy to deal with alongside everything else that was going on at the moment.

It was most noticeable in her alone time. The loneliness.

She couldn’t text or ring him to keep her company. Well, she could. It just didn’t seem like the right thing to do and she wasn’t confident he would even reply.

Zac’s gathering was later that afternoon and she was dreading what would happen in the next few hours. There was a good chance he wouldn’t show up, despite Zac’s reassurances. There was an even higher chance he wouldn’t want to speak to her. She didn’t blame him, but she was willing to try anyway.

She checked in the mirror once more before leaving, anxious to look good but not like she was trying too hard. She didn’t even particularly know what trying too hard would look like in this situation. Just another unknown to add to the sickness in her stomach.

She stared at her reflection for a few more moments before she found the will power to pick up her keys. She smiled when she saw Alf’s curious face and walked over to place a kiss on his warm head.

“Wish me luck baby,” she whispered against his fur before kissing him again and forcing herself to leave the house.

The drive to Zac’s was relatively short but the dreaded anticipation of what could happen today seemed dragged the journey out for what felt like hours.

After she arrived she put the car into park and cut the engine before sitting in the sudden silence. Hayley scanned the surrounding cars for the familiar black car she knew so well, twisting in her seat and leaning forward to make sure it wasn’t just out of her eye line. She couldn’t tell how she felt about the fact that it wasn’t there.

She checked her reflection in the mirror again and took several deep breaths before sliding out of the car and heading up to Zac’s front door.

She looked down and plastered a smile on her face to mask the anxiety as she waited for the door to open. It opened and she immediately spotted a pair of male shoes. She looked up and braced as she waited for it to open enough to see his face.

She breathed out at the sight of Joey and moved in for a hug, relieved but somewhat disappointed to see him. She felt bad at that thought, Joey was a fantastic friend to her and he deserved a sincere greeting. She pulled back and gave him the best genuine smile she could manage as he pulled her towards the living room. She braced as they approached the doorway, feeling sick with anticipation at the thought of him in there.

He wasn’t and she felt herself sag slightly as the anti-climax. She waved at the group of people in there and joined Joey on the sofa and chatted for a moment, subtly looking around the room so she didn’t offend him. She zoned back into the conversation and nodded at something he said, almost positive she would have agreed with him if she knew what he was actually talking about.

She waited for a lull in the conversation before she touched his arm. “Hey Joe, do you know where Zac is? I haven’t seen him yet,” she said, putting her most casual voice on.

“Oh, the kitchen maybe?” he suggested.

“Thanks, Joe,” she smiled at him and made a mental note to organise a proper catch up with him in the next few days.

She stood and smoothed her skirt back into place before heading into the kitchen. She waved at the group of people in there, including Logan and the other Joey who she gave quick hugs to before motioning that she was looking for someone in the next room. They nodded casually and continued their conversation.

She considered checking the garden patio for Zac, in case he was hosting people out there as well. It seemed unlikely in the cold Nashville weather but if there was someone who could get people out there, it would be Zac.

Turns out she was right.

She stopped abruptly at the sight of Zac and Taylor, sat on the chairs. She stared at them for a moment unable to say anything.

Zac’s chair was facing the direction of the door and his eyes widened in panic at the sight of her. She winced and considered leaving before Taylor turned out, suddenly unable to have the conversation she had planned with him.

Her hesitancy and Zac’s reaction ruined this plan. Taylor casually turned to see the newcomer and froze as he made eye contact with her. His eyes hardened as he stared at her, the only movement in the scene coming from the smoke from his cigarette swirling around him.

She gapped at him, unable to process what to say.

Taylor’s brain kicked in for a second and he whipped around to look at Zac, glaring at him for putting him in this situation without warning. Zac recoiled at his scowl and immediately moved to stand and remove himself from the situation.

“I’m going to head inside for a second, warm up a bit,” he rushed out and gestured to the door before shuffling around Hayley. He reached out and squeezed her arm as he passed in encouragement before quickly shutting the door.

Hayley stared at the back of Taylor’s head as he refused to look around at her. She cringed at the tension and slowly moved towards the seat Zac had just vacated. The sound of her footsteps on the deck seemed to be amplified.

She slowly sat in the seat and gave a weak smile. “Hey.”

Taylor grunted in response and took a drag of his cigarette, staring out into the garden.

Hayley bristled at the rejection. She deserved it but it still hurt.

“Listen, T, I wanted to talk to you about what –”

“Did Zac put you up to this or something?” he interrupted her, bitterness seeping into his voice.

“What? No, I asked him – ” she started again, confused by his question.

“Is this why he forced me to come today after I told him that I really didn’t think I could manage it? Because he wanted us to chat about the other night?” he sounded betrayed and his voice cracked at the end.

“What?” Her eyes widened at his tone, unsure of what he was implying. “Zac brought you today because he was worried about you and didn’t want for you to be alone.”

“Oh, so he was just pitying me? He thought it would be better for me to sit and talk to you instead?” he said, finally looking at her. His eyes were hard as he took another long drag of the cigarette. “Did either of you really think that was something that was going to make me feel good? Being reminded of this?” he said, waving a finger between the two of them.

“T, he was just trying to help. I asked him to bring you here.” She said quietly whilst trying to defend Zac. She knew he was mad at her but she didn’t want him to push Zac away right now.

“So you made another decision for me without asking how I felt? Shocking.” He said, looking back towards the garden.

She stared at him, lips turned downwards. She could feel the upset energy radiating off him and she hated the change in him since their time together in LA. His eyes had dark bags underneath and he somehow seemed paler than usual. It was clear he wasn’t taking care of himself. Her stomach twisted, knowing she caused this.

They sat in tense silence as she considered what to say. She knew it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation before she came, but she hadn’t expected him to be so closed off. She felt incredibly stupid now.

Eventually, she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “You shaved off the moustache,” she pointed out, waving to her top lip.

“Yeah, looked stupid anyway,” he grunted before taking another drag.

“I thought it looked cool,” she offered quietly, staring at her fingers that were twisting in her lap.

He turned to look at her for a moment, his face still emotionless. Eventually, he sighed and dropped his head.

“Hayley, what – ” he asked, before cutting himself off. Hurt and confusion had switched from the anger in his tone. “Hayley, just tell me what you wanted to say. If it’s that your sorry then I know that, you’re not a bad person. I honestly just can’t sit and talk about us ending whatever it was and act like it didn’t mess me up.” He sounded defeated.

Her eyes welled as he spoke. “T, that’s not what I was going to say. Yes, I’m so, so sorry for acting as I did. I freaked out and ruined us and I hate that I did that. I hate that I put you through that, it was never even about you but I projected my own issues and ruined something really good.” She cut herself off when she realised she was rambling and took a deep breath to compose herself. She looked up at Taylor and felt her heart twist at his tense jaw and closed eyes.

He eventually sighed and rubbed his forehead before looking at her again. “Yeah, you did.” She didn’t know what part of what she had just said that he was referring to, but all of it was true.

“I don’t expect for you to take me back, even though that’s what I really want to happen. I get it if you hate me or don’t want to see me outside of band situations. I’m just so sorry for what I did.” She looked up to see him nodding slightly and continued. “Taylor, you make me so happy and I hate myself that I did this to you. I’m working on it and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but I _promise_ , none of it was your fault!” She stressed the last part, knowing him well enough to know he will have spent the last few days beating himself up.

She heard him swallow as he processed her words. She braced for his response.

He leaned over the ashtray to stub out the cigarette before dropping it in the bowl. “I don’t hate you, Hayley,” he said, looking directly at her, “it scares me that I don’t think there’s much you could do to make me hate you.” He paused and she smiled softly at the statement. “I just thought it was going so well and that you were happy. Part of me thought that trip would be the end of us dancing around commitment, and then suddenly you hit me with the fact you think it’s better just to end it all?” His words were speeding up as he spoke. “You say I didn’t do anything wrong but you literally freaked out on me in a bar and refused to speak other than to let me know it was over. I’m just struggling to see how this had nothing to do with me.” His voice cracked again at the end and he looked up, breaking the eye contact.

Hayley swiped her eyes, trying to clear the glistening wet that had formed as he spoke. She really didn’t want to cry at a gathering when all her friends were inside. Her lips had started to tremble as he spoke so she bit her lip harshly to contain herself.

She shuffled forward in her chair before leaning to grab his hand. She tensed for a moment in case he pulled away but he let her so she continued. “I know there’s not much I can say right now to get you to believe me, but it really had nothing to do with you. I’m so grateful to you and how you make me feel, I honestly didn’t think I could after last year but then things changed and you made me feel good after so long of just nothing.” She squeezed his hand for a moment whilst she swallowed the thick lump in her throat. “I’ve started therapy again because I know I’ve got some shit to work through. Shit that I didn’t even know existed until the way I freaked out on you!” She waved her free, gesturing to him and miming her freak out. “And I promise that I’m going to sort it out so that if you ever want to give this another try then we can have a real go at a relationship. Not something where I refuse to commit even though I wanted to _so_ badly, or where I treat one of the few people actually matters to me like they are expendable. You’re not expendable. You’re one of the few permanent things in my life. I promise.”

She ducked her head and used her free hand to wipe some errant tears that had escaped. She looked up when she felt her hand shift.

Taylor pulled her hands to his lips and pressed a long kiss to her knuckles. He exhaled out his nose and she felt his warm breath against her skin. She didn’t know what it meant but her heart ached at the sight of him treating her like this.

He eventually pulled away but kept hold of her hand. He audibly swallowed again and looked at her.

“I don’t know what to say right now,” he said quietly. Her heart broke at his words. He looked up and registered the panic on her face before quickly continuing. “Hayley, you know I want to be with you, that’s why I’m so mad at what happened. I believe that you didn’t mean to, but what happened hurt me and I can’t get over it this quickly.” She winced but nodded sadly at his words.

“But I’m never not going to want you. And if I’ve got to wait for you to work through some stuff then I’ll do it.” Her eyes snapped to his in shock and he smiled shyly. “I think we need to wait though if we want it to work this time because I really do. But I can’t go through that freak out again. Not with you.”

She nodded quickly, eyes still bright. “Taylor, I promise I’m going to try so hard –”

He chuckled at her enthusiasm and shushed her. “We can take this slow and do it like adults so we don’t ever have to have this conversation again.”

She nodded quickly, a grin spreading across her face as she swiped a few tears off her cheek and realised a breath in happiness.

He brought her hand to his lips again and kissed it, first a linger one again and then a quick peck before releasing her hand and standing up.

“I’m going to head home; the gathering was overwhelming even before this conversation and I haven’t been sleeping well recently so I need to have a nap or something?” he explained softly.

She nodded quickly before another small smile took over her face. “T,?” she called before he opened the door, “thanks for listening to me. I’m still so sorry about what happened.”

He nodded at her again, trying to console her as if he was the one who had done something wrong. Her heart melted at the calming effect he had and his unwavering support for her.

He paused and looked at her for a moment before he shut the door again. He paced over quickly and pressed a quick kiss into her forehead, stroking the back of her head for balance. “We’ll sort it all out.” He said reassuringly, probably for the both of them “I missed you by the way,” he said quietly before he walked back to the door and left.

She stared at where he had just been and smiled. It wasn’t perfect but it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah I don't know if this was any good but I thought I'd upload it anyway. This potentially could be the ending but I'm not sure what people want (lowkey also don't know where I would take this next) so please let me know if you think it's worth continuing!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! i decided to add one more chapter to round this story off! Its a snapshot of several moments of the course of the following months since I couldn't decide on one scene to finish it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

December

The next time they saw each was a week after Zac’s party.

They had texted a few times. Never about the new possible attempt at a relationship, mostly just pictures of Alf or music recommendations. She didn’t know if he even wanted to talk to her more than that.

Hayley felt a bit better now she had some communication with him, but she was struggling with the sense of loss that came from the stilted conversations after the openness and deep connection they developed through the entire After Laughter era.

The change had thrown her for a moment until she had spoken about it with her therapist, so now she was forcing herself to remember it was better than silence. She was desperate to fix what she had broken, but she was beginning to accept that the uncomfortable interactions were part of the process.

The disconnect was temporary. That’s what was important.

They hadn’t discussed the wine night Joey was hosting. Hayley had been dying to ask if he was going as well, but she knew she couldn’t push him. He was still working through what had happened and she wouldn’t force him to be around her if he wasn’t ready.

That plan had backfired when they ended up opposite each other on Joey’s couches. They had greeted each other with a brief wave when Taylor had entered the living room. Hayley prayed he hadn’t seen her shock at his arrival as panic, or that he couldn’t feel her desperate want to speak to him practically radiate off her.

She blinked and forced herself to remain engaged in the conversation she was having with Joey. He had been making her laugh before Taylor had arrived and she kicked herself for forgetting how much she loved his company. She greeted Logan as he leaned into the conversation and reminded herself to pay attention.

But Taylor was in her peripheral, quietly chatting with Justin. She ached to know what it was about but it was a private conversation and she didn’t have the right to get involved. Taylor’s body language and face were so neutral that it unnerved her and she began to fidget in her seat, anxious to know exactly how he was feeling. Did he even want to speak to her tonight?

It hit her that no one had mentioned that they were barely speaking tonight. The whole band was here and they all knew they had been unofficially together for a few months, but no one had commented on how they were acting tonight. They spent tour five glued to each other’s side and tonight they had barely waved to one another.

Her brow scrunched at the thought. Had someone said something, like not to mention it? Had Taylor said something to them about it?

It could have been the effects of the wine, but a wave of anger rushed over. Was everyone pitying her for messing it up? Were they annoyed at what she did in LA? Was that why she had barely spoken to Justin?

Her body tensed as she considered all these possibilities and her cheeks burned in shame. She was jumping to conclusions and she was struggling to get a grip of herself.

“Hayley?” she could hear Joey call. His voice blurred into the rush in her ears, the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment at what everyone must be thinking distorting her surroundings. “Hey, Hayley, where’ve you gone?” she could hear Joey chuckle as he shook her arm slightly.

“Hayley, seriously look at me now. Please.” She snapped her eyes back to Joey as she shook off the haze. She blinked several times to refocus on her vision. Joey’s wide eyes were filled with alarm. “Hey, are you good? Do you want to get some air?” he asked softly.

She stared at him for a moment before looking around the room. Her cheeks burned again when she noticed the concerned looks coming from everyone in the room. Taylor was sat on the edge of the sofa, lip drawn into his mouth in worry.

“What?” she blinked again, processing the questions Joey had asked her. The suggestion of air seemed solid and she finally nodded in response. “I think air would be good.” She waved him off as he stood to join her. “No, no, Joe don’t worry,” she stammered out as she pointed to the porch door, “I’ll be back in two minutes, I’ll be fine by myself.”

The silence of the room around her continued as she grabbed her coat and strode out of the room, mortified at the scene she had caused. All she had wanted was to have a nice night and not put Taylor in an uncomfortable position and she’d managed to cause a scene because she couldn’t relax and forget that her own friends could be thinking about her.

She thudded into one of the chairs and on the porch and slumped her head into her hands. Her therapist had reminded her of the importance of breathing when she panicked so she focused on drawing long breaths into her lungs, trying to calm the blurriness behind her eyes.

She was still focusing on her breathing minutes later when the door opened. She groaned and turned to slowly protest Joey’s concern for her before she cut herself off.

Taylor shut the door softly and walked over to the neighbouring chair, never making eye contact as he searched through his jacket for something with his only free hand. He placed a glass of water on the arm of her chair before seemingly finding what he was searching for.

She saw the cigarettes and lighter in his hand as he eased into the chair. She watched his hands in silence as he pulled out a cigarette from the pack and lit it quickly.

He took a long drag of it before turning to look at her.

“Drink some water Hayley,” he urged softly, “Please.”

She stared at him, confused by his request before relenting and doing as he asked. It was cold as it trickled down her tight throat and she drank until the glass was empty.

She wiped her hand over her mouth as she placed her glass on the floor. “Thanks,” she offered, uncomfortable with the composed look on his face.

He waved his hand in acknowledgement before taking another long drag. She watched as he exhaled the smoke into the cold December air. They sat in silence for another minute before Taylor spoke.

“So you want to tell me what happened in there?” he asked quietly.

She stared at her shoes, unsure about how to answer him. It was difficult to figure out what they were willing to talk about.

She exhaled once before deciding to be honest with him. “Just got overwhelmed, I guess,” she offered, shrugging her shoulders.

He raised his brow at the lack of information and waved his hand, motioning for her to continue.

“I guess,” she began, unsure of what to say, “I guess I just don’t know what you’re thinking, what they were all thinking, what they think about me or the situation or us or what happened in LA,” she rambled, wringing her hands in her lap before cutting off in surprise as Taylor grabbed her hand.

“Hayley, you have to breathe,” he reminded her, “what relationship are we going to have if you choke yourself out before we get there?” he offered before smiling at her. His eyes were kind and it did a lot to calm her. She nodded and visibly inhaled to reassure him. He stubbed out the end of the cigarette before directing his attention back to her.

He nodded before continuing, holding her hands still. “You just asked a lot of questions and I don’t really know if I caught them all but I’ll try and answer what I can,” he said, brows raising to tease her gently. “To answer your question, no they don’t know all the details but I think Zac told them to just be cool with us. I’ve spoken to Justin about it, and he doesn’t hate you,” he reassured her, “he just wants us to be happy,” he smiled at her and squeezed her hand before pulling it in-between them. “And as for me, I promise I don’t hate you. I already told you I don’t think I ever could. I just didn’t know how to approach tonight so I wanted to give you space.”

“Really?” she breathed out, shocked as he nodded in response. “I didn’t know if you were going to come tonight and I hadn’t mentioned it because I didn’t want to push you to be around me if you weren’t ready.”

“Hayley,” he said, looking directly at her, “It’s not that I don’t want to be around you, I just can’t jump back to how we were before until I know we are both ready for it.” She smiled at his kind eyes as he explained.

“T,” she spoke softly, “can we just stop with the weird texting and barely talking now? I don’t know how to not be comfortable with you, we would literally tell each other anything and then suddenly I could barely send a photo of Alf without being scared it was too much. It’s shit and I hate it.”

“Of course we can,” he responded, “you think I liked what was basically silence between us for the past week? I hate it, I hate thinking we did all this work to get to that point before and now we’re at the stage where even talking about our day is weird. I don’t want that Hayley. Not with you.”

She nodded in agreement, relieved to know they were on the same page.

“I guess my little scene could have been avoided if we had just communicated, huh?” she offered, trying to laugh through the embarrassment.

“Don’t beat yourself up Hayley, we are both as guilty as each other. But yeah, I agree, this is only going to work if we talk to each other.”

“I know,” she offered softly, “I think everything that’s going on at the moment, you know, with the therapy and stuff, has left me so drained. The freak out tonight was probably just because I’m so tired and I hate not talking to you when I need to.” She said, wiping her free hand over her eyes.

He nodded before pulling her hand into his lap, rubbing his thumb over it softly. “You can always talk to me, Hayley. I’m sorry I made it seem like I didn’t want you to.”

She nodded, grateful for him and his kindness. “And please don’t feel like you’re going through therapy alone, you know I’ll always be there if you need me.”

She smiled slightly before gesturing between them, deciding to change the mood.

“I’m sorry but did we just have a moment of healthy adult communication?” she teased, waggling her brows.

He laughed at her joke and nodded. “I mean, if you forget about everything that happened in there, then I’d say yeah, tonight has been a great success!”

She snorted and squeezed his hand back. “You know, I think this relationship thing just might work!”

He flashed a joyful smile at her words, before looking away bashfully. He nodded before pulling her hand to his lips and kissing it once.

“Right, it’s way too cold out here to stay out much longer, you good to go back in?” he said, standing up.

She nodded and pushed herself out of the chair before moving to pull him into a hug. She nuzzled her cheek against the fabric of his jumper and inhaled. He smelled faintly of smoke from the cigarette but she didn’t mind. He was warm and she’d missed him. The hug made her forget why they had even spent the week apart when this was so much better.

He pressed his cheek against her head as he rubbed her back, trying to bring some warmth to her small frame. They remained connected for a few more seconds before Hayley kissed the fabric on his chest and moved back.

“Let’s go back in, show them I’m still sane,” she joked and widened her eyes in mock anger as Taylor made an unsure "eh" sound before smiling at her.

“Oh shit, let me grab the glass,” she said, unwilling to leave Joey’s place a mess.

Taylor held open the door and waited for her to pass through.

\--

January 

The sun was starting to creep below the trees by the time she finally left the facility. Joining the group talking sessions had been a breakthrough for her, but it was exhausting. The emotional drain left her feeling heavy and aching for sleep.

Hayley dug her fingertips into the corners of her eyes before swiping over her brows, inhaling deeply. She held it for a moment before releasing slowly out of her mouth and opening her eyes. She stared blankly ahead, waiting whilst her eyes refocused. The soft blur eased and her lips quirked at the sight of the familiar car waiting at the end of the path.

He was right on time.

She waved in acknowledgement and moved towards the car. The pavement was damp and the smell of grass in the air was potent. It must have been raining whilst she was inside. It blew her mind how these therapy sessions seemed to remove her from the outside world as if she enters a tiny black box which blocks out all the light and sound.

She smiled softly as she approached the car, waving again at him as he turned to watch her walk. The parking lot was quiet except for the soft hum of a rhythmic song playing inside the car.

The door opened as she pulled on the handle, little droplets of rain that coated it wetting her hand.

“Hey,” Taylor greeted her warmly, smiling as she climbed into the car. He reached and turned down the music so he could speak to her properly. “How was it?”

“Good, yeah,” she replied, nodding. “Pretty heavy shit but worth it, you know?”

He hummed and watched as she closed her eyes, tipping her head back to the headrest and yawning. She paused before turning back to him, aware of her somewhat rude start to the conversation. She winced but relaxed at the sight of his amused raised brows.

“Wow,” he teased, huffing and clutching his chest in mock hurt, “I knew I was boring but I’ve never managed to bore a girl to sleep this fast!”

She snorted at his dumb joke and smacked his arm lightly. “It’s not you, and you’re not boring!” she reminded him before rubbing her eyes again, “therapy just wipes me out.”

He nodded before palming the back of her head, stroking down her hair to rest his hand on her neck. “So how are you actually feeling?” he asked softly, tilting his head in concern.

“A bit shitty,” she said honestly, “it drags out so many emotions and with everything that’s already happening with my mom’s family, it’s just a lot to deal with.” She paused and looked at him properly, “thank you for coming to get me, past me would have hated to admit this but it helps to know you’re here.”

“You don’t have to be tough,” he explained clearly, making her blush, “I’ve got you and I’m always going to be here. A real relationship means being there for each other, even when it’s embarrassing to ask for help. That’s the difference between now and what we had before,” he paused before smiling sweetly, “and it’s so much better.”

He paused and watched her fondly as she processed what he said and nodded in response, before moving his hand back to the wheel.

“You ready to head on home? You want to stop somewhere and grab something to eat or?” he asked softly.

She shook her head and curled her body to the face him, tucking her legs beneath her. “I’m so tired I don’t think I could handle having to choose off a menu,” she mumbled into the leather of the seat, fighting to keep her eyes open.

She heard him hum in acknowledge meant before the soft click of his phone unlocking. She opened one eye to see him scrolling, looking for something. She allowed it to drift shut again as she waited to hear the ignition start. A few seconds later the music stopped abruptly as a new song played over the speakers, the slow, lulling tempo a stark contrast to the previous rhythmic beats he had been listening to.

Eventually, the sound of the ignition rang out over the soothing tune and she felt the car move.

After a few minutes of driving on the relatively quiet roads, Taylor glanced over to see her small body inflate with the deep breaths of sleep before slowly releasing. Her face was softened and tension that had seemed to consume her body as he watched her exit the facility had dissolved.

The roads were wet from the rain so he had been driving cautiously anyway, but he found himself taking extra care to bring the car to a gentle stop at the traffic light showing red before glancing quickly over to Hayley again.

She remained still in her seat, deep breaths remaining constant. He exhaled and relaxed at the sight and continued driving. He usually would have wanted to chat for a bit, having not seen her all day but he smiled at the sight of her, asleep in his car as he drove her home. He knew it was still an issue for her so he wanted her to sleep as much as she could when it hit her.

They drove for ten more minutes before he slowly pulled onto her road. The sky was dark now and the playlist he had put on to create a calming atmosphere for her was slowly hitting him too. He blinked hard and focused on the road, confident he did not want to get all the way home just to crash his car in the last minute.

He pulled into her drive and put the car into park before cutting the engine. The car was plunged into darkness, only the light of the porch casting shadows inside the vehicle. Taylor glanced at Hayley again, watching as her chest rose and fell with deep breaths.

He considered his options of waking her up to go inside so she could get into bed or leaving her to sleep in the car for longer. His mouth twisted as he weighed up his choices before slowly nodding to himself.

He reached for the handle and opened the door as quietly as possible before unclipping the seatbelt slowly and climbing out the car, shutting the door enough to keep the cold air from seeping into the car. He paced quickly to the front door and pulled out his keys to her house.

Within seconds of pushing the door open, he was greeted with the heavy patter of feet and turned to watch as Alf rounded the corner before throwing himself at Taylor’s knees.

“Hey bud,” he greeted him, patting his fur softly. “You want to go outside for a bit? Come on, follow me, let’s go out,” he called to him as he approached the back door. He felt bad for him since he’d been waiting all day for Hayley to come home.

He unlocked the door and laughed softly as Alf barged out and ran to the grass. He watched for a moment to check he was happy and shut the door again. He strode back through the house and walked to the front door, shutting it behind him.

He tugged his arms across his chest to add some warmth. January in Nashville was a miserable time and his jacket was still in the car.

He opened the driver’s door and climbed back in quietly. Hayley was still asleep, unaware of anyone leaving or re-entering the car. He smiled at the sight of her face pressed against the leather, cheek smushed upwards slightly.

He shut the door quietly and pulled out his phone, opening up the article he had been reading earlier as he waited for Hayley’s session to end.

He settled in and adjusted himself to get comfortable. He had nowhere he needed to be and was just glad to see Hayley sleeping peacefully.

Sitting in a dark car was a small price to pay.

\--

February 

It had been a low few days for him, but the dark cloud was slowly starting to lift.

He felt bad whenever it happened. Not for himself, but for everyone else. Dropping off the grid for a few days was the only to manage it, but he felt guilty for worrying people.

He had texted Hayley before he locked his phone away, letting her know. He knew he couldn’t demand communication from her and then run away for days without warning her.

He’d been shocked when she’d shown up on his doorstep, with Alf and a bag in tow.

“If you want to be alone, I won’t be offended, but I want you to know this isn’t a one-way thing,” she had said, gesturing between them, “You’ve supported me for months now when I needed it most, and I’m here for you if you need.” She smiled softly, before gesturing downwards, “we’re here,” she said, crouching next to Alf, who stuck his tongue out in response.

He’d smiled and let them in.

It was days later now and he’d messaged their friends to let them know his house was available if they wanted to come around. He still felt a little tired but he missed his friends and wanted to show them he was okay.

That’s how he’d ended up playing pool with the guys, whilst music was playing through the speakers. Hayley was in the living room chatting with Elise and his sister in law whilst a few others were swaying to the music near them. Alf sat loyally at her feet, delighted by all the people who had given him attention.

He’d been so desperate to be alone just days ago but now the sounds and company gave him comfort. It scared him how things could change that quickly, but he tried to embrace it.

He cheered as he landed a shot and ran to high five Dan. The commotion caught Hayley and Elise’s attention and he tilted his beer to them as they clapped exaggeratedly for their boys.

He smiled at Hayley, amused by her antics. He’d initially been concerned about her staying with him, and had worked himself up about what that meant. He didn’t want to take any big steps when he felt low, but he wasn’t sure what she had been expecting. Eventually, they settled on sleeping in the same bed for comfort but it hadn’t gone further than head kisses and held each other.

Despite the lack of physical progress in the last few days, he knew that they were strong enough to move it forward. It wasn’t anything new to them now but adding the official relationship element made him cautious of how to proceed. They had been so respectful of the boundaries since November, and he knew it would have been a terrible idea whilst Hayley was deep in therapy, but now there were no obstacles. Deep down he knew she wanted to move it forward as well but he couldn’t help but feel anxious at the idea of it.

He shook himself out of his daze and looked at his friends around him.

“Anyone want anything?” he offered, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. Zac requested another beer and he nodded in confirmation before heading off.

He walked to the fridge, bopping his head to the music playing on the speakers. He pulled out another beer for himself and Zac, confident he needed another one to loosen up. He was too in his own head to be hosting a gathering and actually enjoy it.

He capped the lids before calling out to Hayley and Elise. “You guys want a top-up?” he offered, waving the wine bottle to them.

“Please,” they chorused back to him as he nodded, grabbing the beer bottles in one hand and kicking the fridge shut.

He approached to fill their glasses and laughed at the photo Elise showed him a picture of Otto on a walk. He bent down to pat Alf where he sat before adjusting the bottle in his hand and filling Elise’s glass.

Hayley waited until he started to fill hers before moving a hand to rub his lower back. “You good?” she asked quietly, a hint of worry in her eyes.

He was surprised at her display of affection but tried not to show it. He nodded and waved off her concern, “Yeah, I think I actually am,” he offered honestly. He nodded to her glass before continuing, “I’m more concern actually for how long we have until chatty Hayley comes out to say hello.”

She rolled her eyes as she laughed with Elise at his joke. “Ha, ha,” she said sarcastically, sticking her tongue out at him.

He laughed and gestured to the game of pool that was still going, “I think they are going to need me soon,” he said, before turning to Elise, “watch out, just call if you need us to put her down for a nap,” he said, nodding to Hayley, “I reckon we’ve got maybe one more glass before the dancing Hayley begins.”

Hayley snorted before shoving him towards the pool table. He waggled his brows before taking a sip of his beer.

The last of the cloud over his head seemed to be evaporating, and he was more than ready to wave it goodbye.

It was over an hour later when the dancing took over his living room. His house was big and he was more than happy to lend it out to friends so they could have a good time, but he refused to participate in the dancing nine times out of ten.

Admittedly, he’d drank several more beers by this point and he was certainly feeling the effects of it, but he shook off the attempts to get him to join. He preferred watching and laughing at his friends anyway. He looked around hazily for Alf before eventually giving up, assuming he must have gone upstairs to sleep in his room.

Four drink Hayley had taken over and she had commandeered the centre of the room to dance with Joey. The movements were absurd and he laughed at their faces, enjoying watching Hayley let loose. It had been an intense few months and he hadn’t seen her like this since early November.

She’d tried to pull him off the couch several times but given up eventually when she realised her attempts were in vain. She wasn’t offended, he got embarrassed by these sort of things and she wasn’t going to force him into it. Joey more than made up for it, as she found herself rubbing up against him, laughing as he swung her around the room.

Taylor accepted the fresh beer Dan handed him as he sat down next to him, and the two attempted to make conversation over the loud music. There was a crash somewhere in the room and he could hear Zac apologising as Hayley laughed and he couldn’t bring himself to care, the buzz of alcohol making everything funny and hazy.

He continued chatting for another ten minutes before he slapped Dan’s knee.

“You want to play another round?” he asked, pointing over his shoulder in the vague direction of the table.

Dan shrugged happily, also pretty drunk, “Yeah sure man, I’m going to beat you this time though!”

Taylor snorted at the thought, before slurring out, “Okay man, there’s always a first time for everything!” he grinned at his affronted expression before slinging his arm over his shoulder and pulling him to the table.

The game was not their best work but they laughed and jeered at each other as they missed shots. It took several attempts for someone to eventually sink a ball.

They played as everyone danced in the background, and Taylor eventually won the first match after focusing much harder than usual. He grinned smugly at Dan as he started to protest.

“Nope, no,” he cried, waving his arms, “best of three, I’m not losing tonight!”

Taylor shrugged and nodded, “sure man, I don’t mind winning two more games,” he grinned cockily.

His fighting talk was premature and he groaned as he lost the next game. The fuzz in his brain was taking over and he was struggling to even hit the ball accurately. He laughed each time and stuck his tongue out, trying as hard as possible to focus.

Hayley and Elise eventually came to watch the final game. Hayley drank from a glass filled with water, slightly sweating from the dancing.

“Come on T!” she cheered, as he leaned over trying to sink a ball. Somehow the ball fell into the pocket and she ran to high five him, before resting her head on his arm as they watched Dan take his turn. Zac and Joey entered the room and watched as they played, commentating much to Taylor’s chargrin. He might lose the game and he couldn’t bring his brain to focus as he wanted it to.

She snorted as Taylor murmured, “miss, miss, miss,” under his breath. He groaned as it landed in the pocket.

She smacked his arm and turned to look at him, “You’ve got one more before it’s match point!” she cried, before looking back at the table, “I think?” He laughed at her confused look as she hiccupped. She shook her head out of the daze before cheering, “Come on, you’ve got this!”

He nodded and leant over to take the shot, and exhaled as he somehow made it. The alcohol has raised the stakes and he tensed as he watched Dan fumbled to take his shot. Zac made a noise as the ball approached the hole, crying out as it missed.

“This is it, match point!” he screamed, clearly drunk. “One more ball and Taylor is the winner!”

Taylor laughed at his antics as the remaining few from the living room came to watch. He stared at the table for a moment, trying to focus his vision. He rolled his eyes at Dan’s trash talk and angled the shot, unsure if it would make any difference. His main strategy now was just to try and hit it, and hope for the best.

Hayley and Zac started jumping up and down in anticipation, Joey moving to stabilise her as she stumbled slightly.

Taylor rolled his neck before exhaling and leaned down to take the shot. He smacked it as hard as he could with the cue and winced as it hit the sides. The room fell silent as they watched it travel around the table. Hayley yelped as it eventually rolled slowly in the direction of one of the corner pockets. Taylor braced and prayed it was enough to sink it, desperate to win the game and establish his superior pool skills.

The room erupted into screams as the ball sank into the hole. Taylor cried out himself, pointing at Dan in victory before turning to Hayley who was jumping beside him.

It was probably a mixture of the high from winning and the buzz from alcohol that convinced him to grab hold of Hayley by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her off the ground. He crashed his lips into hers and as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeaking in surprise before returning the kiss. Taylor deepened it and held her to him before a few more seconds before realising what he had done.

He pulled away and placed her back on her feet, panicking at what he had done. “Oh my god, Hayley I’m so sorry, I –” he mumbled out before she cut him off.

“Do not apologise to me for this,” she smiled at him, immediately calming his nerves, “never apologise to me for this!” she murmured before pulling him back in. They kissed again for a few more seconds and he pulled her in tighter before Taylor had the overwhelming need to explain himself.

“Hayley, I promise this is not because of the alcohol!” he rushed out, head spinning slightly. He knew it probably was the alcohol’s fault that it had happened this way, but he’d be intending to find a way to do it all night.

She grinned and shushed him. “I know, I know, don’t worry!” she laughed at his apologetic face, “I’m glad you did it, even if you stink of beer and I’m way too sweaty right now!”

He laughed at her and pulled her into a hug, both needing the support for balance. He made eye contact with Zac who was grinning and flashing a thumbs up. He laughed at his friend's waggling brows before jokingly flipping him off. He was shocked to see the rest of the room didn’t seem that bothered, most of them had already returned to dance in the living room.

Hayley pulled back again and looked up at him, “I promise this wasn’t presumptuous but I have enough clean clothes that I can stay tonight if you want,” her face flushed red, either from the alcohol or what she might have been implying.

He smirked at her and nodded, still overjoyed by the situation. “Stay as long as you want,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss into her scalp, “I want you here as long as you want to be.”

\--

March

“So have you thought about what I said?”

Hayley hummed and tilted her head, feigning confusion. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about, maybe expand on that more?” she replied, busying herself with hanging up clothes to avoid looking at him.

She could practically hear his eye roll at his words. “You know, that thing we were talking about today,” he drawled, clearly not buying her confusion, “about how we both know these songs deserve to be an album, and you should start accepting that!”

She swivelled to look at him, pursing her lips and tapping them before pausing. “Do I remember that? Did we talk about that?” she questioned obtusely.

Taylor groaned dramatically at her avoidance. “Hayley, come on now! You need to be creating something and we both know that! I don’t see why you think this is a bad idea!”

“T, please I don’t want to get into this now, it’s late and I’m tired,” she requested, shaking her head and she walked to the bedside table in search of her hand cream.

“Fine,” he responded simply, “I just want you to have the chance to show yourself off for once, you’ve come all this way and the songs show that. But they are yours and I’m not going to force you into something you’re not comfortable with.” He said, shrugging as he put his phone onto his side table.

She watched as he said this, rubbing cream onto her arms. It was inevitable that something was going to have to happen to these songs, but the thought of making an album alone, something with only her name on which would force her into the spotlight, was terrifying. Deep down she knew she could do it, but thinking about the vulnerability that came with the process was terrifying. So far the songs had been incredibly personal and she didn't know she could stomach sharing them beyond Taylor and Joey.

She watched as he settled into the pillows with his book. They were the strongest they had ever been, after moving out of the awkward in-between phase nearly a month ago. It was a relief to officially be together finally after everything that had happened. The safety and comfort of having him to herself had finally returned.

The thought of making an album without him made her stomach ache. He kept her safe and on the right track, encouraged her to trust her musical instincts and validated her concerns. He was her partner in crime and she didn’t want to do it without him.

She nodded to herself as she processed that thought, before placing her hands on her hips and jutting her chin. She’d make an album, but there had to be conditions.

“Fine,” she spoke confidently into the silent room, “I’ll do it!”

Taylor turned to stare at her, stood confidently by the side of the bed in her pyjamas, bewildered by her sudden change in attitude. “Do the album?” he asked slowly, confused.

“Yep!” she said, popping the p.

“Great?” he responded, unsure if she was joking. She’d been so defiantly against it less than 2 minutes ago. “What changed your mind?” he asked, lowering his book.

“Well I’ve thought about what you said,” she said, too confidently, almost teasingly, “and you’re right, if we are taking proper time off from the band then I need something to focus on.” He blinked at her tone as if everything she said was obvious but he couldn't figure out where this was going. “So I think I should make it, and I can build the best team to help me do it.”

“Well if you want to do this, then we can ring Mike tomorrow and I’ll help out however you want me to,” he offered, trying to be as supportive as possible. If she really wanted this, then he’d do whatever he could but he knew they had to take the proper avenues to get there.

“Perfect!” she said, clapping her hands. “I already have an idea for the producer,” she added on, feeling the shit-eating grin spread across her face.

“Oh cool!” he said, sitting up, eager to hear her thoughts. “JMJ?”

She raised her brows and pursed her lips again, trying not to give it away. “No, not him,” she said by raising her hands, “even though he is obviously great.”

“Okay, so who?” he asked, confused by the secrecy.

“Well, he’s produced some stuff before but never by himself,” she said, stifling a laugh, “I’ve worked with him before and I’d say it’s been quite successful.” She waggled her brows and waited for him to realise, before groaning at the fact it hadn’t clicked yet. “And he happens to be a regular resident in my bed,” she said, glaring at him.

Taylor recoiled at the last part, before his eyes widened in understanding.

“What? No, I’m sorry but that’s not happening!”

“Taylor, come on –” she pleaded, crawling onto the bed.

“No, Hayley, I’m serious that I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It’s a great idea!” she cried. “We already know we can work together! We’ve already written some of the songs together!”

“Hayley, you didn’t want to do an album five minutes ago! You need to think about this for more than ten seconds before you make a choice like that!” he turned to the side table and dropped his book down, aware that he was not going to be reading anything else tonight.

She shuffled closer to him, kneeling next to him. “I know I want to do an album, hell I know need to do one!” she said, conceding to his original point. “But I also know there’s no one who works better with me or anyone else that I would want to be in charge of this project!”

“You don’t know that we would even work well together!”

Hayley tutted at him, hating to state the obvious. “Taylor we’ve worked together since we were fifteen.”

He rolled his eyes at her response. “Yes thank you Captain Obvious for your observations!” he replied sarcastically, “I mean that it’s different now, would it not just undermine it all if my name is included on it?”

Hayley sighed before pointing out, “T, you’ve already written some of the songs I would include.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got other partners to help you now, like Joey! This could be your time write with people other than just me,” he offered, “I mean you wrote that entire song in December by yourself, maybe you don’t need me anymore at all!” he tried to joke weakly. He winced when he realised the joked failed as she narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms.

Taylor sighed before placing a hand on her knee. “It’s a lot of responsibility, and I just want you to be sure it’s the best idea.”

“Taylor, look at me,” Hayley said, angling his head, “there’s no one else I could think of who could do a better job than you.” She looked at him pointedly whilst sliding her hand to the base of his neck, carding through the hair that was finally starting to grow out. “I trust you more than anyone and my songs would be lucky to have you work on them.” She smiled as he blushed at the compliment.

“Fine, sure, whatever!” he responded, defeated before raising his brow to cut her off as her eyes widened in excitement. “I’m not officially agreeing to anything right now, but I’ll think about it,” he offered to calm her, “there’s just a lot at stake outside of the music. I need to know this won’t affect us. I love working with you and I want to help you but we’ve got to make sure we know what our priorities are.”

She nodded quickly before pulling him towards her, giving him a deep but quick kiss. “Okay we can put a pin in this for now, but I mean it, there’s no one else I want for this,” she said, looking into his eyes.

He nodded and pulled her into a lying position and turning to flick the light off. “I believe you, but let’s do something else now,” he said, moving back to her and leaning down to meet her lips again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! I think adding any more would be overkill so I'm going to end this one here! I tried to include some references to stuff Hayley has mentioned or things that are discussed in the record so let me know if you caught them (most likely not lol, I only started writing like two months ago so they are probably v vague and unclear!)
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for following this, I really enjoyed writing it! Please let me know your thoughts or if there's something you would like to be written about next!


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